Humble Pie...Anyone?

Have you ever had a day when multiple situations and or people pointed you in a certain direction? Today was one of those days...

First it started off this morning at church when my pastor specifically pointed out these cards that he put in the bulletins with little prayers for each day of the first week of Lent. Today we were supposed to pray for a humble heart. Next to the caption was James 4:6 (God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble). After I read it I thought to myself how it was such good advice and kind of placed it on the back-burner of my mind.

This evening I was "venting" to my little sister about a situation and she said to me,

"Emily, I know you don't want to hear this right now, but you should be the bigger person and humble yourself in this situation..."

Those words were not exactly the ones I wanted to hear when I was up on my high horse and filled with just a little bit of...dare I say the word, PRIDE? The verse I had read earlier did pop up into my mind and I backed off a tad with my anger, but of course not totally.

After I hung up I decided to catch up on some of my bible study on Esther (Beth Moore). BAM! There it was again, right in my face, word after word about honoring myself and my own "presumptions and entitlements". She had us look up verse after verse about honoring oneself and asked us to relate it to ourselves. Reading these scriptures really hit a sore spot,

Phillipians 2:3-4
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Easier said than done, I KNOW! But for some reason, I am being smacked over the head with all of this humility stuff today. Maybe I need to choke down some pride and bite back my words that are on the tip of my tongue and do the complete opposite of what I REALLY want to do! (...an especially hard thing to do when I KNOW I'M RIGHT!) This whole excercising my faith thing is a lot harder than I thought!

Humbly I'll end with this very interesting verse that also just happened to be in my homework today,

John 7:18
He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth, there is nothing false about him.

Change

Heard a song by Tracy Chapman on my favorite satellite radio station "Coffeehouse" the other day. I had to come home and download it off of i-tunes. The opening stanza immediately caught my attention with her deep melancholy voice singing,

"If you knew that you would die today,
saw the face of God and love,
would you change?
would you change?"

What a great question! What would I be doing differently?

If I knew that today would be the last day of my life on this earth, would I live it for me or for Him?

How would I change?

Good question! Makes me think...

Toning Up

So tonight I went to my first kick-boxing class ever. A couple of girls from work have been going and I decided to try it out. I haven't exercised in months and am extremely uncoordinated so I really don't know what I was thinking except that I want to get into shape and tone up. So right before it was time for me to leave, I told Joe how I wasn't sure that I should go, maybe I could just do my pilates video (actually my pregnancy pilates video even though my baby is going to turn two next month and I am NOT expecting). I was looking for an excuse not to go and I thought that he would discourage me and want my help with the kids or whatever...Well of course, he did not. He just gave me a look that said, "Stop stalling and GO!" So out the door I went and the panic kicked in as soon as I shut the car door. Believe it or not I have some social anxiety issues, especially when florescent lights and sweat are involved. My heart was pounding so hard that I'm sure everyone could hear it when I walked in. And wouldn't you know it my friends just happened to be absent! OF COURSE!

So the music begins and we start jabbing (mind you I don't even know how to make a proper fist...what was I thinking?) and bouncing and I start to see stars and begin to feel my head spinning. I don't know if I am just completely and utterly in the worst shape of my life or if it was my nerves or a combination of the two. I am thanking the Lord in heaven above right now that I did not pass out! I actually got through the whole session (with a few extra water breaks). I felt like I ran a marathon afterwards and thought that I was going to toss my cookies on the ride home, but the sense of accomplishment was grand!

Starting to tone up my physical body has got me thinking about my soul's well being. How much have I been exercising my faith and am I doing it halfheartedly or full-force? Am I just going through the motions or am I giving 100% of my heart to it? And why am I so afraid to take the next step and "just do it"? Maybe it's because I'm afraid that I'm not going to do it right. Maybe it's just pure laziness or maybe, it's a little of both.

Whatever my reasons, I need to get off of my spiritual rump and move forward in my faith. I need to stop making excuses and start exercising it in new ways. I know that it is going to be uncomfortable and it might even hurt. There usually is pain in any type of growth but the reward will far outweigh the minor injuries, I'm sure. So I'm going to start "toning up" tonight in more ways than one. Hopefully I won't give up in the next few days when my muscles start to throb. Hopefully I won't quit when God starts to mold this hunk of clay into a beautiful new shape.

Toning up is never easy, but I think it will be worth it!

(...and bear with me through this version of these verses, I think it's really worth it!!)

2 Peter 1:5-8 (Amplified Bible)
For this very reason, adding your diligence [to the divine promises], employ every effort in exercising your faith to develop virtue (excellence, resolution, Christian energy), and in [exercising] virtue [develop] knowledge (intelligence),

And in [exercising] knowledge [develop] self-control, and in [exercising] self-control [develop] steadfastness, (patience, endurance), and in [exercising] steadfastness [develop] godliness (piety),

And in [exercising] godliness [develop] brotherly affection, and in [exercising] brotherly affection [develop] Christian love.

For as these qualities are yours and increasingly abound in you, they will keep [you] from being idle or unfruitful unto the [full personal] knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

Time for February

We have been freezing and drudging through mounds of snow this winter in Michigan. I heard that we already surpassed the average snowfall accumulation that we typically get in a whole winter, weeks ago. It seems as soon as the sidewalks and driveways have a chance to be cleared, we get dumped on again. The weather has been getting to me because I cannot stand to be couped up in the house. Yesterday we enjoyed some cherished sunshine and warmer temperatures so Ayla and I took full advantage of the nice day and headed out to the park. She loves to visit the duckies. As soon as she saw them, she pointed them out and in a giggly voice said,
"Look, I see the duckies! They're swimming! The duckies are hot!"

How I wish the duckies were hot. I wish it was the middle of summer and we were swimming in the river (Well, maybe not the Detroit River, but some type of water...)!
But there is a time and season for everything and God is right up above us orchestrating it all, even the frigid Michigan weather. And it sure does make me appreciate a 40 degree sunny day!

Ecclesiastes 3:1
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

Evidences of Faith

Joe and I rented "Henry Poole is Here" (Luke Wilson) last night. Without giving the movie away, it basically was about a man who refused to believe or have faith even though there were living proofs of miracles that surrounded him and they were happening right in his own backyard! After we watched it I started thinking about my personal faith and hope.

Hebrews 11:1 popped into my head this morning. Since I am no bible scholar, I won't even attempt to dissect the verse but here are some different translations:

-Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.(NIV)

-Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not
seen.(NKJ)

-Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
(NASB)

-Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see.
(Contemporary English)

-Now faith is being sure we will get what we hope for. It is being sure of what we
cannot see.(New Life)

-Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.
(Holman Christian Standard)

-Now faith means putting our full confidence in the things we hope for, it means
being certain of the things we cannot see (J.B. Philips)

-Now faith is the assurance (confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope
for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality
[faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. (AMP)


Today what am I hoping for and putting my full confidence and certainty in? Is it in my comfortable American lifestyle? Is it in the well being of my children? My husband? How I look? How I feel? Will these temporary flashes of happiness give me peace when my world comes crumbling down around me? When a job is lost or a life endangered? Of course not.

It's not forgetting when the kids are healthy and the job secure.

It's not forgetting in the middle of the rat race.

It's not forgetting when I'm packing three lunches and frantically grabbing hats and backpacks every morning.

It's not forgetting in the mundane things.

Faith to me, right now, is daily consciously being aware of what I am hoping for and holding onto what in my humanness are "small" proofs of a real God that really aren't so "small" when I really think about it. Here are some of those little reminders,

-Hearing my sweet Ayla say, "I love you Mama"

-Watching my precious boys forgive one another

-Gazing at a wondrous sunset

-Quietly feeling the peace of God enter into my soul after the children are sound asleep

The list could go on and on...

Evidences of faith...

His Princess

Today is a new day and I am going to make the most of it. My sweet Ayla and I have had a good one so far and have been having tons of fun playing in her bedroom that we finally finished decorating over the weekend. I love having my little girl, she is such a princess. The boys adore her and there aren't words enough to express the place that she holds in her daddy's heart. I am so overprotective of her. Don't get me wrong, I am with the boys too, but with her it's different. I don't know if it's because she is my last baby or just because...

Today I have been thinking about how I am my heavenly Father's princess. I am his heir with an inheritance waiting for me that my human mind can't fathom. His love for me is beyond measure. He loves me more than I could ever imagine loving my sweet little Ayla. I am my beloveds' and He is mine because he holds a banner of love right over my life. I have been fortunate enough in my life to have a wonderful earthly father. He is the most generous person I have ever met and when it comes to his three daughters, he would drop anything to come running to our sides when we are in need of him. I am so blessed to have a godly father, but my Heavenly Father can love me with true Godly love because He is Love. He is perfect and knows how to perfectly love me and what is so ironic about it is that despite all of my shortcomings and all of my faults, He still loves me, no matter what because in Romans 8:38-39 we are told that,

"...neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."(NKJV)

The beginning of those two verses starts out with,

"For I am persuaded..." (New King James Version)

"For I am convinced..." (New International Version)

And for me that is the question. Am I totally and utterly persuaded that God loves me and nothing can take it away? Am I completely convinced of this? Being brutally honest I have to admit that I am not, at least some of the time. In order for me to remember this fact all of the time, I have to consciously remember His faithfulness to me in different circumstances of my life. And I am not saying that things in these instances necessarily turned out the way that I wanted them to, but looking back I know that God was faithful. He was in control, even when it didn't feel like it at the time. Just like we have to discipline our children sometimes, and it hurts because they are sad or upset, but we do it because we love them and in my lowly human flesh I cannot imagine anything being able to take away the love I have for my children. Again, how much more my God loves me!

How can I not believe that I am His "little princess" when He loved me so much that He sent His only Son to die for me so I could become an heir of His, adopted into His royal family.

So today I am remembering. I am remembering my Father's hand in my life, and how much he has and continues to shower me with His unfailing love.

The Mess

When we moved into our new house just over a year ago, I made a pact with myself that I was going to turn over a new leaf and keep a tidy house. I had no excuse now because we had so much more room and ample storage. The people who lived here previously kept the home absolutely immaculate to say the least. Picture this with me, a three-car garage with a finished floor and workshop area, but nothing, I mean NOTHING in it!!! So when we moved in, everything was in tip-top shape to say the least. We turned the key to open up the door for the first time and walked into this shiny wood floor, potpourri smelling house that would never, EVER look this good again and I felt like I had to keep it nice out of respect or something. The first week we were in here, Micah tore off this plastic trim piece that held the wall paper onto the corner of the walls and tore off sections of the wall paper with it and that was the first step to the downhill spiral of my messy house. (You'll never guess what the trim piece became...a lightsaber of course!)

As I have mentioned before, I struggle with this problem of keeping a tidy house. I get sick and tired of straightening up and constantly putting things away. When company comes over, I have a bad habit of shoving everything into the cupboards, drawers and closets and dread opening them back up because it reminds me of how unorganized I am and just gets me in a bad mood. I constantly have a burden hanging over me about my unorganized house and my unorganized life and I feel like a hamster running in his little wheel going nowhere yet running really fast and wasting a ton of energy for no reason at all.

So I got to thinking about this whole concept and it so relates to my life. My little family is on the go, on the run, if you will. Joe and I have fallen into the trap and just keep on going! We pile up all of our dirty-laundry and toss it in a pile and throw it in the closet because we don't have time or make time to deal with it. And when I think about all of the issues that need to be addressed, it overwhelms me, like my messy house, so I just put it off and keep piling it up. I don't want to start to dig into the junk out of fear of what I might find and just plain laziness. It seems so much easier to deal with it later. Yet when I shove my "stuff" around and push it all aside behind closed doors, it just sits there, piling up, until one day it comes busting through and spilling out because there is no more room left.

I want to begin to pick at it. I just need to take that first step and not look up at the huge mess because I know that it will take a while to work through. I need to stop living such a reactive life and become more proactive, especially in my relationships with my husband and my kids. And I am going to try not to be so hard on myself because I will make more little messes along the way, I just need to trust in my God to help me clean them up.

As far as the messy house goes, I've realized that I need to stop worrying and start living. I need to stop beating myself up about it. I need to start enjoying my children right in the middle of their MESS!