Monday, March 23, 2015

Sweet Ayla

I posted this 6 years ago today....

Today my precious baby girl turned 2 years old! (yesterday we had her little party and she was definitely the little "belle of the ball") Memories of her birth flooded my mind all day as I played with her and held her and just stared into her beautiful blue eyes. I am so thankful to God for my darling girl.

When I found out that I was pregnant with her, Joe was convinced that we would be having twin boys. I didn't believe the ultrasound technician when she told me it was a girl. We actually had five confirmations through ultrasound and I still didn't believe it until moments after her birth in the delivery room. My pregnancy was very similar to the other two except that I was more nauseous with her than I was with the boys. After going for my 20 week ultrasound appointment my doctor informed me that the radiologist detected that her brain ventricles were "mildly prominent" and that she had a choroid plexus cyst. He told me not to worry but to schedule a level three ultrasound and to make sure my appointment had the genetic counselor there as well. The hospital could not get me in for three weeks. I was in agony. I was so worried about my baby and could do nothing but wait and pray. Of course I googled and looked up everything I could on the internet about this condition which only scared me all the more. Everything from developmental delays to hydrocephalus popped up. I remember specifically one evening when I was crying to Joe about how upset and worried I was and he looked at me with a wisdom that I never before had seen in his eyes and said,

"If God chooses to give us a special needs child, He will. He has a reason for everything and if it's His will, it's His will and it won't change the love I have for her already, as a matter of fact I'll probably love her even more!"

He had this reassuring peace and strength that I did not have. I remembering blaming myself for wanting a girl so badly and thinking this is what I get for wishing for her.

Before I got pregnant with Ayla, a friend from church came up to me and asked me when I was having my little girl. I was like What? How do you know I'll have a girl? She told me that she had envisioned my Joe, the boys and me with a little girl standing in front of a church and she had a feeling that I was going to have a girl one day. ...a couple of months later, Ayla was conceived... So after finding out about Ayla's condition, I ran up to her at church and in between sobs managed to explain what was wrong. She laid hands on me and prayed with me and as soon as she did, I felt this peace just come over me. That sick feeling in my stomach disappeared and I was at ease. At that moment, my faith grew more than it ever had before. I knew there was a God. The "God who sees me" saw me right then and there! So many people were praying for my baby. They were praying for God's healing and for His will at the same time.

So the weeks past and I went to my appointment. The genetic counselor wanted to be in the room and the technician scanned me and looked me straight in the face and said ,

"Her brain ventricles are completely normal and there is no cyst."

I started bawling my eyes out! I was so relieved! The doctor came in and scanned me and said it was probably an error. He said that they probably measured the wrong area of the brain. I thought, maybe...or maybe, just maybe...God performed a miracle and healed my baby. Why? I don't know why. All I know is that my God, "El Elyon": the Name, is the God who sees me. He hears my cries and calms my fears. He is Jehovah, God and through His precious son chose to give me life and I will forever praise his most holy name!

Lord, today as I celebrate the birth of my sweet Ayla, I thank you for hearing my cries and calming my fears. Thank you for my precious girl. May her life continue to be a testimony of your grace to an unbelieving world.

*And today she turned 8...our sweet girl has blessed us more than words can say. She is passionate, kind and determined. I love watching her grow in God's love and grace...She truly is our little miracle.. My friend, Deb, who prayed over her that Sunday so many years ago has now gone to be with Jesus. She's not with us anymore but her prayer of faith lives on in my precious girl. I think of her often but remember her especially on Ayla's birthday.  I am still encouraged by her boldness to step out in faith even when it wasn't natural. She listened to God's voice in her life and obeyed. May I be 
able to trust and obey Him in that same way, even when it's out of my comfort 

I pray the same for my darling girl... 


Monday, March 9, 2015


Every once in a while our batteries run down and we robotically face the day at a low voltage.  The mundane is just that and daily routine wears us thin...Cold Michigan winter doesn't help...neither does lack of sunshine which really does turn people into the 'Walking Dead', no joke.  And this is just how I have been feeling.  Numb, wordless, my soul has been hibernating away bearing the frigidness in the air.  The season hasn't been a total loss, there have been moments...but being honest, there has been an overall slightly apathetic haze that has fogged up my writing.  There really isn't any excuse except looking back now I needed a recharge.  Some jumper cables if you will to shock me a bit, rev things up, stir up this pot.

And this past weekend was just that.  We had an amazing conference at our church #missionhome2015...I was inspired, challenged, rejuvenated and motivated.  But mostly I am filled up with the best food for the soul that there is, the bread for my life, the word of God.   And as uncomplicated and simple as this is, the two things that Joe and I took away from the whole weekend was that we need to read the bible more and worship our God together as a family.  Simple but sometimes forgotten.  Life gets busy and we forget what is important.  We believe that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and we are praying to make some progress in these areas. 

We started last night, lighting our Lenten Wreath and sitting down together as a family for dinner...It started out great.  I captured an authentically content moment...

And minutes later we had to repeatedly warn one of the kids to "knock it off...or else..."  We tried to sing after dinner and silly/borderline blasphemous kids chimed in...It wasn't easy and most definitely not picture perfect as my patience quickly melted.  But it was a start.  And we will try again...And thankfully God in all of His abundant grace and mercy will give us strength to endure.  We will baby step our way if we have to.  Not for the sake of looking like a good moral family...not for the applause of others...and definitely not so our kids will think we are cool (because that's just never gonna happen:)) but all for the honor of the King of our lives.  Because of this I am certain..."He who began a good work in us [you] will carry it on to completion..." (Phil 1:6)