Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Mess

When we moved into our new house just over a year ago, I made a pact with myself that I was going to turn over a new leaf and keep a tidy house. I had no excuse now because we had so much more room and ample storage. The people who lived here previously kept the home absolutely immaculate to say the least. Picture this with me, a three-car garage with a finished floor and workshop area, but nothing, I mean NOTHING in it!!! So when we moved in, everything was in tip-top shape to say the least. We turned the key to open up the door for the first time and walked into this shiny wood floor, potpourri smelling house that would never, EVER look this good again and I felt like I had to keep it nice out of respect or something. The first week we were in here, Micah tore off this plastic trim piece that held the wall paper onto the corner of the walls and tore off sections of the wall paper with it and that was the first step to the downhill spiral of my messy house. (You'll never guess what the trim piece became...a lightsaber of course!)

As I have mentioned before, I struggle with this problem of keeping a tidy house. I get sick and tired of straightening up and constantly putting things away. When company comes over, I have a bad habit of shoving everything into the cupboards, drawers and closets and dread opening them back up because it reminds me of how unorganized I am and just gets me in a bad mood. I constantly have a burden hanging over me about my unorganized house and my unorganized life and I feel like a hamster running in his little wheel going nowhere yet running really fast and wasting a ton of energy for no reason at all.

So I got to thinking about this whole concept and it so relates to my life. My little family is on the go, on the run, if you will. Joe and I have fallen into the trap and just keep on going! We pile up all of our dirty-laundry and toss it in a pile and throw it in the closet because we don't have time or make time to deal with it. And when I think about all of the issues that need to be addressed, it overwhelms me, like my messy house, so I just put it off and keep piling it up. I don't want to start to dig into the junk out of fear of what I might find and just plain laziness. It seems so much easier to deal with it later. Yet when I shove my "stuff" around and push it all aside behind closed doors, it just sits there, piling up, until one day it comes busting through and spilling out because there is no more room left.

I want to begin to pick at it. I just need to take that first step and not look up at the huge mess because I know that it will take a while to work through. I need to stop living such a reactive life and become more proactive, especially in my relationships with my husband and my kids. And I am going to try not to be so hard on myself because I will make more little messes along the way, I just need to trust in my God to help me clean them up.

As far as the messy house goes, I've realized that I need to stop worrying and start living. I need to stop beating myself up about it. I need to start enjoying my children right in the middle of their MESS!

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