Thursday, March 13, 2014

Let It Go

She has seen the movie not once, not twice, not even thrice...but FOUR times.  Birthday parties, grandmas and one mama were all happily buying her a ticket to go and check out the animated "Broadway" flick.  It also helped occupy some time off of school with the polar vortex and Snowmageddon 2014 between cold days and snow days.  Why didn't it snow like that back in the 80' EVER!  Seriously, I think we had maybe 2 snow days my whole 13 years in public school...Anyway, "Frozen" has been a hit at our house (at least with the two females living here and even if they deny it, all of the males know every. single. word. to the hit song).  And Ayla, I left her home for a couple of hours with her big brothers one day, (probably a stinking snow day for goodness' sake)  while I ran some errands...She had my I-Pad and I set her up on before I left.  Upon returning, as I unlocked the door I heard her sweet little voice belting out as I turned the key.  I entered the house to her standing on the couch, looking at herself in the mirror and singing with her arms thrown up in the air, "LET IT GO, LET IT GO"...She must have found the instrumental/accompaniment on the website...I blinked back my proud tears and had a quick vision of her playing the young Cosette in "Les Miserables" at the Fisher Theater downtown in a couple of years..(a theater buff can dream, right?)

So the boys come running to me crying out, almost as dramatically as their baby sister...

"She hasn't stopped singing this song the whole time you were gone, make her stop mom, please, HELP...!!!"

As she belts out,

"Can't hold it back any-mooore!"

And the boys don't hold back they beg me to get her to be quiet...but there were little smirks on their faces and deep down, I would almost bet (if I were a betting woman, which I'm not...) that they were loving every minute of their cute little girl gracing them with her sweet vibrato...

She sings,

 "...The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside...Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried..."

Powerful words...Swirling storms and trying to keep holding it all together..Been there, done that.  Like every. single. day...

But she continues,

"Don't let them in, don't let them see...Be the good girl you always have to be...Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know...Well, now they now..."

How many times in my life have I been afraid to let people in?  Always wanting to please and be the good girl.  These words are resonating.  Hitting some nerves as my 6 year old climbs up on the arm of the couch, picturing herself on a snowy cliff on top of the world,

"Let it Go, Let it Go, Can't hold it back anymore!" 

The notes hit my ears and my heart opens up big as I take it all in...I want to climb up on top of the icy mountaintop right next to her and LET IT ALL GO.  The fears and anxiety...The facades and people-pleasing...

I want to shut the door, slam it, like my daughter sings, in the pretend faces of my imaginary audience.  I don't want to care what they may say, I want to let the storm rage on...

As she sings on,

"It's funny how some distance...Makes everything seem small...And the fears that once controlled me Can't get to me at all..."

Wow, how often does my fear control me?  I wish it couldn't get to me...maybe I should step back, distance myself from all of it?  There is only one healthy fear...the fear of God...which is more of a reverence or holy fear, and nothing to be afraid of but rather something to stand in awe why do I ever fear?

The song builds and she says,

"It's time to see what I can do...To test the limits and break through...No right, no wrong, no rules for me...I'm free"  

Testing the limits, busting through, breaking free...with no rules, no expectations that I have set on myself...FREEDOM!

And I think to myself, what a beautiful reminder of the freedom I have in Christ!  Freedom from not only the burden of my hideous sin but also of the burden of my self righteous, good-girl acts, every. single. one...

"Let it go, let it go...And I'll rise like the break of dawn...Let it go, let it go...That perfect girl is gone"

And the plateau of the song is reached as my arms reach up high letting go of that perfect girl!  Every girl can relate to wanting to shed the false image of perfection.  How we long to embrace the mold of acceptance, just how we are, where we are, as we are...Today, we come, bowing low but opened up wide to a savior who we can let it all go to... and receive from...the freedom that is only found in His great love!~  Praise be to God!

Thanking God, the Most High One, tonight for His amazing grace that covers and saves, transforms and redeems!