Thursday, January 22, 2009

His Princess

Today is a new day and I am going to make the most of it. My sweet Ayla and I have had a good one so far and have been having tons of fun playing in her bedroom that we finally finished decorating over the weekend. I love having my little girl, she is such a princess. The boys adore her and there aren't words enough to express the place that she holds in her daddy's heart. I am so overprotective of her. Don't get me wrong, I am with the boys too, but with her it's different. I don't know if it's because she is my last baby or just because...

Today I have been thinking about how I am my heavenly Father's princess. I am his heir with an inheritance waiting for me that my human mind can't fathom. His love for me is beyond measure. He loves me more than I could ever imagine loving my sweet little Ayla. I am my beloveds' and He is mine because he holds a banner of love right over my life. I have been fortunate enough in my life to have a wonderful earthly father. He is the most generous person I have ever met and when it comes to his three daughters, he would drop anything to come running to our sides when we are in need of him. I am so blessed to have a godly father, but my Heavenly Father can love me with true Godly love because He is Love. He is perfect and knows how to perfectly love me and what is so ironic about it is that despite all of my shortcomings and all of my faults, He still loves me, no matter what because in Romans 8:38-39 we are told that,

"...neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."(NKJV)

The beginning of those two verses starts out with,

"For I am persuaded..." (New King James Version)

"For I am convinced..." (New International Version)

And for me that is the question. Am I totally and utterly persuaded that God loves me and nothing can take it away? Am I completely convinced of this? Being brutally honest I have to admit that I am not, at least some of the time. In order for me to remember this fact all of the time, I have to consciously remember His faithfulness to me in different circumstances of my life. And I am not saying that things in these instances necessarily turned out the way that I wanted them to, but looking back I know that God was faithful. He was in control, even when it didn't feel like it at the time. Just like we have to discipline our children sometimes, and it hurts because they are sad or upset, but we do it because we love them and in my lowly human flesh I cannot imagine anything being able to take away the love I have for my children. Again, how much more my God loves me!

How can I not believe that I am His "little princess" when He loved me so much that He sent His only Son to die for me so I could become an heir of His, adopted into His royal family.

So today I am remembering. I am remembering my Father's hand in my life, and how much he has and continues to shower me with His unfailing love.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Mess

When we moved into our new house just over a year ago, I made a pact with myself that I was going to turn over a new leaf and keep a tidy house. I had no excuse now because we had so much more room and ample storage. The people who lived here previously kept the home absolutely immaculate to say the least. Picture this with me, a three-car garage with a finished floor and workshop area, but nothing, I mean NOTHING in it!!! So when we moved in, everything was in tip-top shape to say the least. We turned the key to open up the door for the first time and walked into this shiny wood floor, potpourri smelling house that would never, EVER look this good again and I felt like I had to keep it nice out of respect or something. The first week we were in here, Micah tore off this plastic trim piece that held the wall paper onto the corner of the walls and tore off sections of the wall paper with it and that was the first step to the downhill spiral of my messy house. (You'll never guess what the trim piece became...a lightsaber of course!)

As I have mentioned before, I struggle with this problem of keeping a tidy house. I get sick and tired of straightening up and constantly putting things away. When company comes over, I have a bad habit of shoving everything into the cupboards, drawers and closets and dread opening them back up because it reminds me of how unorganized I am and just gets me in a bad mood. I constantly have a burden hanging over me about my unorganized house and my unorganized life and I feel like a hamster running in his little wheel going nowhere yet running really fast and wasting a ton of energy for no reason at all.

So I got to thinking about this whole concept and it so relates to my life. My little family is on the go, on the run, if you will. Joe and I have fallen into the trap and just keep on going! We pile up all of our dirty-laundry and toss it in a pile and throw it in the closet because we don't have time or make time to deal with it. And when I think about all of the issues that need to be addressed, it overwhelms me, like my messy house, so I just put it off and keep piling it up. I don't want to start to dig into the junk out of fear of what I might find and just plain laziness. It seems so much easier to deal with it later. Yet when I shove my "stuff" around and push it all aside behind closed doors, it just sits there, piling up, until one day it comes busting through and spilling out because there is no more room left.

I want to begin to pick at it. I just need to take that first step and not look up at the huge mess because I know that it will take a while to work through. I need to stop living such a reactive life and become more proactive, especially in my relationships with my husband and my kids. And I am going to try not to be so hard on myself because I will make more little messes along the way, I just need to trust in my God to help me clean them up.

As far as the messy house goes, I've realized that I need to stop worrying and start living. I need to stop beating myself up about it. I need to start enjoying my children right in the middle of their MESS!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Anxious Prayers

A few days ago I found out that a very good friend of mine who has been trying for a very long time to become pregnant is with child. Our God is so good. He is so faithful and I am so thankful that my friend is experiencing pregnancy. Would you join me in praying for her? Her name is Amy and she has been a life-long friend of mine. I am praying that God will grant her the peace that passes all understanding as she goes through these next several months.

The peace that passes all understanding...

How I long for that. So much of the time I am anxious about EVERYTHING, instead of presenting my concerns up to God with prayer and supplication.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about when I was pregnant the very first time with Jonah. Two very important people in my life are expecting right now and I am thinking about them often and remembering my pregnancies, but for some reason I only remember the first time clearly (probably because I was busy taking care of other children the other times and couldn't really think about myself). Thankfully there weren't any complications, I just got to experience the miracle of housing another human being inside of me for nine months and I really wasn't concerned at all...that was, until he was born. After Jonah arrived here, I became a germophobic, panic-stricken, worry wort of a mother. I was so worried all of the time about my precious baby. I became obsessive about people getting him sick and when he was sick, I was sick to my stomach with worry!! I joke around with my friends and family and tell them that I didn't become a type A personality until I had kids, and it's the truth! Looking back on this I realize how God used this thorn to turn me to Him. I think I would have lost it, if I didn't have my faith and God has increased my faith and continues to do so through my children and their circumstances. Until I became a mom, I didn't ever realize how completely and utterly powerless I am as a human being. How could I, or how can I go through life without holding onto my God? I couldn't! Call me weak, Say I need a crutch, and I will agree! I am desperate. I need my God. I could not live one day without His unfailing love.

So that's where I am right now.



In Need.

Reaching out to a God who reached His loving hand down for me.

Waiting on Him and knowing that He again will fill me with the peace that passes all understanding.

Praising Him in advance for all that He will continue to do in my life and the lives of those I love!