tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71380856822795649852024-02-07T12:19:39.886-05:00Life In The ChaosI am a child of God, wife of one, mother of three, trying to accept the grace I've been given as I live life in this hurried culture. I hope these posts will help you as they help me to make a difference as we live out life in the chaos.Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-37868845424034697892016-06-06T22:59:00.002-04:002016-06-06T22:59:32.878-04:00Encounters <strong>*Below is a post from 8/20/12...</strong><br />
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I have met many people throughout this life of 34 years...Been introduced to quite a few. <br />
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But meetings, and introductions are meaningless unless they serve as a forefront to a deeper relationship. And many of those have become such. But mere acquaintances laced with quick smiles and friendly hellos are unfortunately too preoccupied with <i>"what's next on the agenda?"</i> instead of true concern with the other party's whole well being. <br />
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Or so it has been much of the time, on my behalf... <br />
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And how often do I tend to believe that is the will of my Father in Heaven? And most of the time it is like that when I address Him...</div>
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<i>"Hi God, I'm doing great, how are you? Oh, the universe is all under control? Great, you have a nice day...and oh yeah, keep us (you know, my family and me) in mind and safe, and forgive me for my sins too!...thanks, luv ya, bye!"</i></div>
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Sweet, short and to the point, cuz ya know, I'm a busy mom, working mom...mind you...who has a family and a house with dust bunnies and groceries that need bought and bills that need paid and school that is starting and kids that are playing travel sports.....etc....<br />
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And God, He just needs to make it all work out for the good...fit it together so it's good for us, for my kids, so they turn out alright...or lets be honest, <i><b>so they turn out above par... </b></i></div>
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And that alone would be fulfilling as a parent. For everything to look good on the outside...For the kids to turn out <i><b>"successful"</b></i> in the eyes of the those around...</div>
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And if only I hadn't tasted...</div>
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If only I hadn't <i><b>ENCOUNTERED</b></i> Him before...</div>
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And these experiences aren't to be taken lightly. </div>
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And words really can't explain it either. But to have <i><b>tasted and seen</b>,</i> and to take that for granted...to ignore it...</div>
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<b>Shame on me</b>.</div>
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That's all there is to it- because how easily and quickly I take for granted this living, breathing God who is reaching down to us and offering an unexplainable <i><b>ENCOUNTER</b></i> with Him...</div>
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Christianity is set apart from mostly all other religions because of the faith in a unique God who reaches down to humanity and holds out His hand for us, offering an unexpected freedom through the sacrifice of His only Son...</div>
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<i>"For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life...</i><i>For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.." John 3:16-17</i><br />
<i><br /></i> A couple of months ago we took our little family to church on a summer Sunday evening...<br />
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<b>Joe prayed silently to God during the service and asked of Him something...</b><br />
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Of which I was unaware....<br />
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And we were at church late that night, new members joined and there was cake after, along with a presentation about a church plant in Detroit. Which was very interesting to me, more than reminiscent, it was moving...<br />
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It reminded me of my younger days and my older sister's heart for the inner city 20 short minutes away from where we grew up. She lived there in Detroit at a church house doing mission work her third year of college. She had a calling for the poor, the down and out and outcasts of society which overflowed and convicted anyone close to her. Immobility was not an option and her passion was contagious. She introduced us to her friend, Harvey, who was a Mennonite from Canada also doing an internship at the church. He befriended us and God used him to show us who Jesus was. Never before had I <i><b>ENCOUNTERED</b></i> a person with such humility and love for the unlovely...<br />
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So all of this had been brought to the forefront of my mind before we left church that warm summer evening in June. I had swallowed back many tears before we even got in the minivan. <br />
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And as we pulled out of the parking lot onto the usually busy but thankfully vacant road, our eyes couldn't help but look upward because there was a magnificent magenta and orange hued sunset gracing the sky. <br />
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And all of a sudden Joe slams on the breaks as I was trying to take it all in...<br />
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He points his index finger hard into the glass of the windshield and asks me,<br />
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<i>"Is that an eagle?"</i><br />
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I lean forward and gaze above and tell him yes and that I think it is but I also ask him to please continue on driving because I was awfully scared that someone was going to crash into our behind...<br />
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And all three of the children caught a glimpse. You see my husband and my mom are bird freaks...<br />
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They constantly are bird watching and the children have picked up on this...They know a turkey buzzard from a hawk...<br />
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And we all saw the white head as this eagle flew right over our van...<br />
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And Joe could hardly speak...<br />
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He told me,<br />
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<i><b>"You don't understand! It's God!"</b></i><br />
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Now he had my attention. My husband is the opposite of dramatic. (yes my children inherited their theatrics from me, not him)<br />
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<i>"What?" </i>I asked.<br />
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He went on to tell me that while we were in church, he said a prayer, a prayer that he had forgotten about until this very moment, with the cake and the church-plant and all...<br />
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And in that prayer, he told me he asked God...<br />
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<i>"If you are real, If all of this is real...<b>make and eagle fly over my head when I leave church tonight!</b>"</i><br />
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And then he told me that he felt guilty right after he uttered the prayer upward... He told God that he was sorry...the verse about not putting the Lord thy God to the test sprung into his mind...and Joe took back what he said. <br />
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<b><i>But God chose to send an eagle regardless...</i></b><br />
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And Joe along with our family <i><b>ENCOUNTERED</b></i> God in a big way... a grand way...maybe the most amazing way we ever will in our short lives here on this earth...<br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">And how often I forget and shove Him to the side as if He is just an acquaintance...</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></i> And what grace He bestows when the reminders of His very realness are brought to light. <br />
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And my prayer tonight is that my children, our family, will long to <i><b>ENCOUNTER</b></i> God,<i> </i>and that we would be on a fiery pursuit after Him and His will...<br />
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<strong>*Since writing this almost 4 years ago, several eagles have flown over Joe's car and even our house. We have never seen them around here until that night. Joe called me this morning to tell me one flew right over the front of his hood while in route to work. What an amazing reminder that God is real. He knows how fickle we are, how distracted...Right before he called me today, I had been reading <em></em></strong><br />
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<em><strong>Psalm 103:</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>Bless the LORD, O my soul,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>and all that is within me,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>Bless his holy name!</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>Bless the LORD, O my soul,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>and forget not all his benefits,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>who forgives all your iniquity,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>who heals all your diseases,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>who redeems your life from the pit,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>who satisfies you with good</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.</strong></em><br />
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<strong>...may my faith be childlike...renewed like the eagle's...who God used to open our hearts up...to ENCOUNTER Him....</strong><br />
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-12372011843894079852016-02-02T12:24:00.001-05:002016-02-02T12:24:07.950-05:00Lights in the TunnelThere's a light at the end of the tunnel...Or so the saying goes. But nobody ever really talks about the tunnel itself. How cold and slippery the ground is while trekking through. The depth of despair that permeate the darkness as you feel your way in the dark. You continue, make your way through and every once in a while a ray of light blazes through into your being, glimpses keep you going. You trek on and work like crazy doing your part as much possible. But emotions stir fast and swift, back and forth, up and down like climbing mountains one moment and soaring through valleys the next...and everything is rampant. One minute you have the faith of Abraham and the next, hardly a mustard seed, maybe even a grain of sand but there it is flickering in the darkness of the cave. And even though you question if your guide is still in front, leading the way through the chaos and unknown, something inside reassures that you are not alone. There is a resonating pulse, though almost silent at times, that continues... a slow, sure beat in the back of your mind, of your heart. <br />
Through your weariness and trouble it carries on...as you fix your eyes ahead onto the dull glimmer awaiting at the end of the journey you are on. Doubt creeps in and you look up, gazing ahead knowing there are maybe not perfect things in store but good things. And you take another step that is filled with so many emotions but you go, carry on, journey ahead. <br />
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We have been walking through a tough tunnel of our own the last several weeks. These words pour out my heart, fear of the unknown, questioning every move, every step. We had this unknown destination placed in front of us December 11. Joe was "displaced" from his job and opted out of re-interviewing for a different position in the company. Knowing this restructure was going to be taking place several weeks in advanced, Joe had prepared. Multiple job opportunities fell through. He actually had more than one verbal offer and was prepared to put in his two week resignation when the brakes on the opportunity in place got slammed. Hiring freezes appeared out of nowhere or promoted employees decided they wanted their former jobs back...And we prayed, and waited and thought maybe it's meant to be that he stays put. And then the phone rings, he got the call...He called me right after, I was with my Friday Morning Girls (my small group who I love more than words...) when he told me through the phone. I think my knees buckled as tears rolled and my sweet friends embraced me and told me to go and be with him. The pause button was hit and everything put on hold. And nothing can prepare you for the empty hollow feeling that floods when it actually happens...Stress and tension in our home was high...One moment you felt assured and at peace and the next filled with rapid heart beats and anxiety. The ebb and flow of emotions was countless. But we could feel the prayers of those loved ones around us in the midst of it all... And looking back now I have to say that I would never wish the lack of a job on anyone. We were more than blessed and grateful for God's provision through it all. Countless resumes were sent out and many interviews later...he received a job offer. I think about my friends and acquaintances who have faced the same fear, only much worse. The word grateful doesn't seem to sum up our thankfulness to so many people who carried our burden through thoughts and prayers. And we are eternally thankful to our Father in heaven who is the provider of everything. <br />
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A tunnel of uncertainty may be your surroundings today. Maybe it's not the loss of unemployment but rather a loved one whose voice you yearn to hear again. Illness, broken relationships, addiction, hurt, busyness, depression...whatever path you are walking down at this time, know <strong>you are not alone</strong>. As the journey ebbs and flows as you take one step forward and three backward, remember there are glimpses of light reflecting off of the saints in your life who are carrying part of your burden. When you can't pray, ask someone to intercede for you. And soon enough you will recall those stones of remembrance, times when God was faithful in your life. Little pokes of light will sharply fill your eyes, your soul with courage to move on. And the end of the tunnel, where you are headed may not even be close...The finish line may be a ways away but remember, you do not walk in isolation...there are fireflies there in the cave with you flickering light all around, whispering the hope of God's faithfulness into your soul...know they are there with you but mostly know, God is there working all things together for your good. <br />
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<em><strong>"God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all" 1 John 1:5</strong></em><br />
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-56109432654763854372015-09-07T23:00:00.003-04:002015-09-07T23:01:35.774-04:00Glide<div>
(I wrote this 3 years ago when my baby girl was going to Kindergarten. She is now starting 3rd grade tomorrow. Micah will be in 7th and my oldest is getting ready to experience high school...I'm not ready for this... After dropping him off for his Freshman Orientation last week I had to pull over the mini van so I wouldn't get into a car accident because my eyes were temporarily blinded by pools of salty mother-of-a high-schooler tears...I mean seriously, it is all really just a bit too much. Today I signed him up for Driver's Ed...if that doesn't bring one to their knees, I honestly don't know what will. But the fact that this precious child of mine is going to be operating a vehicle really is hard enough let alone the fact that his father and I happened to take this class together just a few years ago...ahem... Back to my point...these words ring true tonight...many of us moms and dads are sending their littles and not-so-littles off to school tomorrow. Some of us are more nervous than they are and most of us are surrounding and uplifting our kids in prayer...)</div>
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GLIDE September 3, 2012</div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">We picked out a sage green durable fabric for the upholstery and chose white painted wood for the frame. The first time I sat in the cushions and kicked my legs up on the ottoman I was nine months pregnant with my first. Anticipation swelled as big as the belly beneath my embrace as the chair glided smoothly beneath me. This would mark the first night of many spent in that chair. </span></div>
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Countless nights of three different crying babies held throughout these last eleven and a half years and tonight I find myself there yet again rocking a little girl, my baby girl who can't sleep because she has excited butterflies fluttering in her tummy as she imagines her first day of kindergarten tomorrow. As we move in the darkened room I see her as a baby lying there in my arms. Us rocking the same way we did four short years ago. Her softness is cradled in my arms and her innocence graces her face as memories flash and love flows fierce. <br />
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We glide...<br />
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I envision the boys, each one of them as babies. <br />
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The first time Jonah opened his deep gray eyes and looked up at me, it was in that chair, in his tiny nursery in our first little yellow house. I remember propping him up, next to his little stuffed "Winnie-the-Pooh" and taking a picture of him there on that green fabric in his first few months of life.<br />
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Many a night we took turns consoling our sweet Micah struggling to fill his little lungs with air. Holding up that mask of medicine humming through the machine to calm his cough. Many prayers were uttered upward in that seat. I can still see those chubby cheeks and little upturned nose...I can almost hear the scritch scratch of the flowering dogwood tapping on the window of his bedroom in our second place we called home.<br />
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And here I sit gliding with long limbs hanging over the sides of the same padded arms that used to fit her length nicely...<br />
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And I am overwhelmed. <br />
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Warm pools flood up as we sway back and forth. <br />
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Tomorrow marks a significant day. <br />
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Ayla takes her first steps as a kindergärtner. <br />
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Jonah will be dropped off at middle school and will walk the hallways as a sixth grader for the very first time. <br />
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And Micah will march as a fourth grader down the halls of his school. <br />
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But tonight I pray that they will-<br />
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not only step...<br />
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or just walk...<br />
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or even manage to march through this new school year.<br />
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Tonight I am praying that they will glide through the days, weeks, months of school filled with a peace in knowing that they have a heavenly Father who is cradling each one of them in the palm of his hand and loving them more fiercely than this mama ever could even imagine...<br />
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-71137467743201104802015-08-07T18:54:00.000-04:002015-08-07T18:54:47.020-04:00Seasoned MomentsSummer is finally here in Michigan now that it is almost over. We have finally felt the warmth of golden sunshine bask deep and hot into the pores of our skin as we gaze upward into blue skies adorned with billow white clouds.<br />
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...Five lakes of greatness reflect that ozone above us and calloused soles burn dark as we tread the stamped concrete beneath us. Us Michiganders, we are fierce. We bear the frigid, stark, hollow forbidden winter stomping through drifts of white snow and making the best of it all. The buds finally appear after the last of the frost, sometimes not until late May and we inhale Springtime...we really can smell the fragrance of the season and it permeates and renews down into our cores. That hope of rejuvenation, redemption, renewal... the hope of things to come seems to not only be the light at the end of the tunnel but actually is what gets us through the long, frozen-over, body-numbing winter. Just the sheer memory of bright green leaves dancing in the wind and dry, clear sidewalks making life easy and ice-free can help set the mind right. The four seasons of our great mitten state are a draw and a steadfastness that only a Michigander can truly appreciate. The fall brings crisp, exuberant color along with the orange hue of crackling bonfires and hayrides. Apples and pumpkins and flannels and boots. We marvel and take it in, the magnificent beauty of death...the trees turn like chameleons before our very eyes and amaze us as the wind blows each leaf down and bareness takes ahold of naked branches. So the cycle goes, continues. Season after season, year after year, decade after decade. We stay. <br />
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And when the kids finished up school and summer was staring us in the face on the calendar not on our skin...We packed up and headed north, as most of us do...We went UpNorth. We do every year. We go to the same city, same location...We try to recreate memories and capture a few good pictures on the same beautiful beach with sand dunes showing off behind...But this year our plans had to change, just a little...We had to make different arrangements at the last minute and found a rustic rental available...Our plans had to alter for work schedules and already low expectations were validated strong as we laid sleeping bags on top of cobwebbed beds. And in that dirty, soiled up over charged place we made new beautiful memories. Granted most were outside. We spent our days fishing amongst lime green lily pads and riding tandem into the quaint little town to devour scoops of delicious ice cream. We stuck our toes into icy cold Lake Michigan and read for hours. At the end of the day our family stood awestruck as the sun made it's glorious descent painting the sky magnificent indescribable colors. The kids played hard with their cousins and spent cherished time with grandparents, aunties and uncles...We fried up fresh fish hand caught and gathered around the table and the bonfire later on with stuffed bellies full of smores and fermented grapes. The katydids joined in our song and everyone glowed from the inside out. <br />
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And even though I usually cling tight to the nostalgic, this time away made me realize I tend to try and recreate the same moments all too often. And not only physically but spiritually speaking. Our trip shed a new light into my soul and the lesson is this, to find joy in the current time. Whatever or wherever that may be. The surroundings may be filthy and maybe even frightening. But there is beauty to be found in the midst of the ugly. <br />
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Seasons of life are ever changing.<br />
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You may be facing the desolate body-shivering cold of a winter white depression. Maybe your marriage is falling apart or the doctor made that life-altering call and you have to bravely journey down the C word road. <br />
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Birds could be chirping and Spring buds may be ready to bloom where you are. An exciting new marriage or precious bundle of sweetness could be adorning your world blooming bright. <br />
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Death could be knocking on your loved ones door and the autumn leaves may be turning many shades fading your green to brown. The warmth of fire and cider hot may keep you company as you have to say goodbye to a toxic relationship and move on to healthier horizons in your current fall time...<br />
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And maybe your summertime of life is finally here. You have been waiting patiently and golden days keep you barefoot with toes in the sand. Life has given you some lemons and somehow you're drinking lemonade as you swing high and touch the clouds braving new adventures, maybe a new job now after a long lay off is finally paying the bills. Or maybe you're in the throws of muggy humidity and sweat is dripping off your brow as you change another diaper, load another dishwasher, fold another towel... You just long for some fresh air-conditioned wind to sweep through and offer some relief. <br />
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These seasons can never be recreated or replicated. They will live on in the memory of our lives but duplicate free. Tonight I am telling myself to let my moments, each sacred one, make it's mark. I am praying that I will not forget but always remember and never compare certain times in my life to other times...And hopefully I will soak up and learn to dance with grace relishing the present as God continues to redeem these moments blowing His Spirit into my flesh turning them into something significant. This heart is filled with yearning to share in other's seasons, lend a hand or an ear, or bear some of a burden for them. To gather around a table and listen to other's tell their stories of seasons past. I pray for hope to fill you and me up to overflowing pouring over into those around us. Season after season, time after time always changing never the same but always significant. <br />
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-77135997965045727572015-07-01T20:46:00.001-04:002015-07-01T20:46:50.790-04:00Dreary LightI woke up and felt a chill in the air. The window let no light in except a dull gray haze. I arose and walked through the tiny, dingy cabin and looked out the window to see rain drops sprinkling over our bikes as clouds hung thick and fog spread wide across the greatest of the lakes, Michigan. Stepping outside my face was immediately splattered with slushy droplets...How could this be the first day of July? Just two days ago it was 80 degrees and the sand was so hot we feared blisters on the soles of our feet. And today winter hits me in the face and all my hope is drowned. My gut wrings and the wind in my sails vanishes. My joy is covered up by the clouds and I can't seem to feel the warmth of any light at all. Why does the weather dictate my mood? Why do I have such a hard time finding blessing in the mundane dreariness of the tough times in life? As the sun finally appears in the sky as the day is almost done and warmth fills my whole physical and spiritual being, I am reminded that to appreciate the goodness, the sunshine and true joys in life, I must make my way through the darkness. Always searching for glimpses of His light...and as my favorite lake sparkles turquoise blue and reflects the sun so radiantly, I am inspired to do the same. I sink my toes in the sun-laden sand and pick up my husband's old baseball mitt...my middle boy has been begging to play catch...We warm up, I tell him to take it easy on me and true, deep contentment resonates everywhere as the sun sinks into my whole being. I wind up and throw a softball fast pitch with a small hardball, something I've never done. (And I left the wind up pitch on the field with the softball, the end of my 8th grade year..) It lands in the strike zone and I feel like I've just won the World Series because I saw that heart melting smile shine across the sand-field. I think to myself, it doesn't get much better than this...These little grace moments turning my messed up self into something better. And I carry on, contemplating this mixed up cold to hot day and utter a prayer to the One who is always listening, The God who hears me...May my beautiful yet broken life reflect pieces of the one who works together ALL things, shadows and light, joy and pain, ALL things together for my good...<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKlTcBW6Si1hMwv0ijTwJRRkbU-mfSjcDQVuPl7U2WpF3cmZNRICQJ9XvToUGTS0QncIXggnl5S9j1GAJOnvjrrrIuxoMmyESKc2kygOSUPFhT7Zvgdzig4T9EuYgSbVmPoq7XEKakgl_C/s640/blogger-image--503238990.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKlTcBW6Si1hMwv0ijTwJRRkbU-mfSjcDQVuPl7U2WpF3cmZNRICQJ9XvToUGTS0QncIXggnl5S9j1GAJOnvjrrrIuxoMmyESKc2kygOSUPFhT7Zvgdzig4T9EuYgSbVmPoq7XEKakgl_C/s640/blogger-image--503238990.jpg"></a></div>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-15370904154084359482015-05-31T22:42:00.001-04:002015-05-31T23:10:18.646-04:00Hum-bledA familiar melody graces my ears. That Micah in the middle of mine loves to hum and tends to soothe himself with it much of the time, especially before bed. Tonight as I climbed the wooden stairs to tuck them in, I hear that sweet, still-little boy voice of his adorning the second level. My first stop was in Ayla's room and she had already crashed. I made my way to the boys' room and Joe joined me just as I climbed the bunk ladder...we both recognized the song simultaneously. Together we put words to the tune for him and he joined in:<br>
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<em><strong>"Praise, Praise the Father, Praise the Son...And Praise the Spirit, Three-In-One...Oh Praise Him, Hallelujah..."</strong></em><br>
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We sang some more together. That little almost teenager of mine laying there so vulnerable, he faces many fears and right then and there it hits me hard...how he is understanding and taking in the gospel. Application of teaching is so very present and right beneath my very nose as I witness this boy of mine seeking refuge in the only true refuge there is, my faith is strengthened. We have faced tough times together, this family of ours. Tempers have turned hot and life isn't always a bowl of cherries. Let's face it, most of the time it can be very trying. With three growing kids and two grown adults trying to grow up...we can sometimes mess it all up pretty badly. But what hope I have tonight being reminded of the sweet solace granted to us through the Holy Spirit of God. <br>
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As I scratched his back he switched the tune...<br>
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<em><strong>"Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be the name..."</strong></em> <br>
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And I sing quietly into his ear,<br>
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<strong><em>"...when the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say...Blessed be the name of the Lord..."</em></strong><br>
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And as I wind down and ready for sleep, I have this reassurance...provoked and spurred on by my 12 year old oblivious middle child...that<strong><em> God, in His almighty divinity, Father, Son and Spirit...Three-In-One...God, is blessed</em></strong>...through the trials and through the joy...In darkness and in light...<strong><em>Blessed be the name of the Lord...</em></strong><br>
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Praise His Holy Name!<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW8_TZD2QPFWcY4Mj6Cg1QLozcvpvXRaP7egfvozDlvJNnN86P-rAI7jYVhFbNJ_UMrXNhyphenhyphenG9GdfwImCAx-3zFohhQa3AWL2XOOmK6K9M1Jw45VyqlJmuNXZOCmeQaA4arpGe2dvLNFCq0/s640/blogger-image--810968690.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW8_TZD2QPFWcY4Mj6Cg1QLozcvpvXRaP7egfvozDlvJNnN86P-rAI7jYVhFbNJ_UMrXNhyphenhyphenG9GdfwImCAx-3zFohhQa3AWL2XOOmK6K9M1Jw45VyqlJmuNXZOCmeQaA4arpGe2dvLNFCq0/s640/blogger-image--810968690.jpg"></a></div>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-34732905926440049532015-03-23T21:22:00.005-04:002015-03-23T21:25:26.806-04:00Sweet Ayla I posted this 6 years ago today....<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTZgubKMtq9XhajPga4puIzeOVPOGI2zI_N-WVlAP98Kh_mkSRe6-Rwb_RE_KJTIqJVAkJaGnn5SrIgwUKIK6tv0zP8kzBM9-sleU-vben262-iteASCetlR2FqB_2yxHJQSn1tRsl3BgB/s1600-h/DSC03609.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTZgubKMtq9XhajPga4puIzeOVPOGI2zI_N-WVlAP98Kh_mkSRe6-Rwb_RE_KJTIqJVAkJaGnn5SrIgwUKIK6tv0zP8kzBM9-sleU-vben262-iteASCetlR2FqB_2yxHJQSn1tRsl3BgB/s400/DSC03609.JPG" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316575136416881570" style="cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 400px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 396px;" /></a> <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbBlIuBZZo9XyqKEaF4gWY4ZIjuaH-5VUznjD-91eL6eVUPZXu7Su3-phJF1G5jTxYpbnot72vTO4a5_UyH6JDbn-2A2Mkl1wS0_k8nWt8Cm7Y35hjqFnB3Gth1WZZh_3QG4ryw83gJVaV/s1600-h/DSC03586.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbBlIuBZZo9XyqKEaF4gWY4ZIjuaH-5VUznjD-91eL6eVUPZXu7Su3-phJF1G5jTxYpbnot72vTO4a5_UyH6JDbn-2A2Mkl1wS0_k8nWt8Cm7Y35hjqFnB3Gth1WZZh_3QG4ryw83gJVaV/s400/DSC03586.JPG" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5316575131304765746" style="cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 400px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 300px;" /></a> <br />
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Today my precious baby girl turned 2 years old! (yesterday we had her little party and she was definitely the little "belle of the ball") Memories of her birth flooded my mind all day as I played with her and held her and just stared into her beautiful blue eyes. I am so thankful to God for my darling girl. <br />
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When I found out that I was pregnant with her, Joe was convinced that we would be having twin boys. I didn't believe the ultrasound technician when she told me it was a girl. We actually had five confirmations through ultrasound and I still didn't believe it until moments after her birth in the delivery room. My pregnancy was very similar to the other two except that I was more nauseous with her than I was with the boys. After going for my 20 week ultrasound appointment my doctor informed me that the radiologist detected that her brain ventricles were "mildly prominent" and that she had a choroid plexus cyst. He told me not to worry but to schedule a level three ultrasound and to make sure my appointment had the genetic counselor there as well. The hospital could not get me in for three weeks. I was in agony. I was so worried about my baby and could do nothing but wait and pray. Of course I googled and looked up everything I could on the internet about this condition which only scared me all the more. Everything from developmental delays to hydrocephalus popped up. I remember specifically one evening when I was crying to Joe about how upset and worried I was and he looked at me with a wisdom that I never before had seen in his eyes and said, <br />
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"If God chooses to give us a special needs child, He will. He has a reason for everything and if it's His will, it's His will and it won't change the love I have for her already, as a matter of fact I'll probably love her even more!" <br />
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He had this reassuring peace and strength that I did not have. I remembering blaming myself for wanting a girl so badly and thinking this is what I get for wishing for her. <br />
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Before I got pregnant with Ayla, a friend from church came up to me and asked me when I was having my little girl. I was like What? How do you know I'll have a girl? She told me that she had envisioned my Joe, the boys and me with a little girl standing in front of a church and she had a feeling that I was going to have a girl one day. ...a couple of months later, Ayla was conceived... So after finding out about Ayla's condition, I ran up to her at church and in between sobs managed to explain what was wrong. She laid hands on me and prayed with me and as soon as she did, I felt this peace just come over me. That sick feeling in my stomach disappeared and I was at ease. At that moment, my faith grew more than it ever had before. I knew there was a God. The "God who sees me" saw me right then and there! So many people were praying for my baby. They were praying for God's healing and for His will at the same time. <br />
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So the weeks past and I went to my appointment. The genetic counselor wanted to be in the room and the technician scanned me and looked me straight in the face and said , <br />
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"Her brain ventricles are completely normal and there is no cyst." <br />
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I started bawling my eyes out! I was so relieved! The doctor came in and scanned me and said it was probably an error. He said that they probably measured the wrong area of the brain. I thought, maybe...or maybe, just maybe...God performed a miracle and healed my baby. Why? I don't know why. All I know is that my God, "El Elyon": the Name, is the God who sees me. He hears my cries and calms my fears. He is Jehovah, God and through His precious son chose to give me life and I will forever praise his most holy name! <br />
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<span style="font-style: italic;">Lord, today as I celebrate the birth of my sweet Ayla, I thank you for hearing my cries and calming my fears. Thank you for my precious girl. May her life continue to be a testimony of your grace to an unbelieving world. </span><br />
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*And today she turned 8...our sweet girl has blessed us more than words can say. She is passionate, kind and determined. I love watching her grow in God's love and grace...She truly is our little miracle.. My friend, Deb, who prayed over her that Sunday so many years ago has now gone to be with Jesus. She's not with us anymore but her prayer of faith lives on in my precious girl. I think of her often but remember her especially on Ayla's birthday. I am still encouraged by her boldness to step out in faith even when it wasn't natural. She listened to God's voice in her life and obeyed. May I be </div>
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able to trust and obey Him in that same way, even when it's out of my comfort </div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">zone. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I pray the same for my darling girl... </span></div>
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-60650112443676815132015-03-09T20:46:00.005-04:002015-03-09T22:00:42.552-04:00Recharged<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Every once in a while our batteries run down and we robotically face the day at a low voltage. The mundane is just that and daily routine wears us thin...Cold Michigan winter doesn't help...neither does lack of sunshine which really does turn people into the 'Walking Dead', no joke. And this is just how I have been feeling. Numb, wordless, my soul has been hibernating away bearing the frigidness in the air. The season hasn't been a total loss, there have been moments...but being honest, there has been an overall slightly apathetic haze that has fogged up my writing. There really isn't any excuse except looking back now I needed a recharge. Some jumper cables if you will to shock me a bit, rev things up, stir up this pot.<br>
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And this past weekend was just that. We had an amazing conference at our church #missionhome2015...I was inspired, challenged, rejuvenated and motivated. But mostly I am filled up with the best food for the soul that there is, the bread for my life, the word of God. And as uncomplicated and simple as this is, the two things that Joe and I took away from the whole weekend was that we need to read the bible more and worship our God together as a family. Simple but sometimes forgotten. Life gets busy and we forget what is important. We believe that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and we are praying to make some progress in these areas. <br>
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We started last night, lighting our Lenten Wreath and sitting down together as a family for dinner...It started out great. I captured an authentically content moment...<br>
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And minutes later we had to repeatedly warn one of the kids to "knock it off...or else..." We tried to sing after dinner and silly/borderline blasphemous kids chimed in...It wasn't easy and most definitely not picture perfect as my patience quickly melted. But it was a start. And we will try again...And thankfully God in all of His abundant grace and mercy will give us strength to endure. We will baby step our way if we have to. Not for the sake of looking like a good moral family...not for the applause of others...and definitely not so our kids will think we are cool (because that's just never gonna happen:)) but all for the honor of the King of our lives. Because of this I am certain<em>..."He who began a good work in <strong>us</strong> [you] will carry it on to completion..." (Phil 1:6) </em></div>
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<br>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-83217493379230206882015-01-02T09:32:00.002-05:002015-01-02T09:32:42.451-05:002014 RecappedSo long 2014...<br />
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We made many memories...<br />
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Here is a recap of the pretty wonderful ones... <br />
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The not so great ones are hidden in my heart hopefully helping shape me into something better...<br />
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But all won't be forgotten...<br />
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Looking back on 2013...</div>
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2012...</div>
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And 2011</div>
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4 years have come and gone so fast. My babies aren't little anymore...I love looking back at these moments and remembering each one. God is so good and has blessed us beyond measure. I sit here with a full grateful heart anticipating and embracing all that He has planned for us for 2015....</div>
Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-5719060766742380962014-12-08T11:32:00.000-05:002014-12-08T11:37:49.328-05:00Big DreamsWe dream big for our children. We want them to have it all. We want them to live life to the fullest, to shine. We want them to experience life better than we did. To do everything we didn't. Sometimes these yearnings creep up and tempt us to live vicariously through them. But other times we are inspired to lead and teach our talents and creativity, sometimes athleticism or art. There is a fine line between the two. I pray for wisdom and guidance with this. My girl, she is such a mixture of her daddy and myself. And one thing she loves to do is sing which comes from both sides. And to call her dramatic is pure truth. So this mama has signed her up to try out for a musical at the local theater. She is excited and nervous and thankfully we have pinned down an audition song. This same little girl tried standing up in the grocery cart at three years old in the checkout lane at Kroger raising up her hands and singing/belting out, "I think I'll try DEFY_ING GRAVITY!" She was knit together in the womb for greatness I tell you...<br />
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And of course this mama bear sees how amazing she is and how on tune she can sing...But others may not. She may not make the cut. And we are preparing for that. But pondering on this as we prepare to literally face the music, I am reminded of how big our Heavenly Father dreams for us, His children. He wants us to have all that He has prepared for us in this life. He wants us to shine, to reflect His light out in the darkness. And He is right there to lead us, to teach us and help us tap into our creativity and art. Whether it be through our roles as mothers or wives, or employees or in ministry. Whatever we do, He will be there with us for <em><strong>"We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."</strong></em><br />
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Others may not give you the applause and approval you think. But thankfully we don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but the one who created us. And how good to know that our God loves us so much that he sent us a savior who set us free so that we are made right and can't mess that up. No matter how much we fail we always win with Christ. <br />
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So today live out that dream that He has for you. Be brave, take a step out on the stage of the great big world (whatever your world may look like today) and shine like the star you are in HIM...all for Him and His glory! <br />
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-54619661525439392432014-10-22T23:22:00.001-04:002014-10-23T10:28:25.885-04:00In This, I RestWe don't watch the news at our house. If the television is on, usually sports commentators or tweenyboppers are filling the air space in the family room (unless the kids are sleeping and I am catching up on my favorite shows) Needless to say, I boycott the news. I am not ashamed to admit that the current events I am aware of are mostly brought to my attention through the fb newsfeed. Anything I don't catch there finds it's way to my ears through the lips of my beloved clients behind my chair. But anyone breathing air has not been able to avoid the Ebola scare. The kids come home from school updating me on the latest misinformed information. The school nurse has made her rounds informing the students about staying home if they are sick and has reiterated washing hands. (thank you for that, Nurse Cathie. They really are listening. Nothing like a killer virus that has the potential to become the world's next major epidemic scaring my kids into finally washing their filthy hands!) I have had 3 calls with a sick girl in the office since September. I fear my 7 year old is turning into a hypochondriac along with the rest of the world. But today she really was sick and the poor thing had to wait an hour and a half on the cot there because her Papa totally forgot to get her. Sweet thing. He felt awful and so did I. That working mama guilt swallowed me whole and then spit me out just in time to smooth it all over with that consoling frosting I keep in my back pocket. And it is no piece of cake doing that, just FYI. <div><br></div><div>But that little girl of mine, she was laying there on the couch with her rosy cheeks and glassy eyes and that horrible fear engulfed me. What if she has it? I mean we don't live that far from Akron, Ohio where the infected nurse flew to...And as soon as the thought crossed my mind, it crossed right back out into reality. Jonah had a fever last week, and I'm sure she caught it...The media plays on our emotions. Unfortunately anything to make a story, hype a crowd, pull a heartstring or trigger a panic attack always leads the headlines. We run on emotion and fear. And no one who is breathing is exempt from death. We all will face it sooner or later. Life is fleeting. How will I live mine? In fear of an awful disease or horrific accident? Will I worry continually about my kids and their choices that go far beyond whether they wash their hands and much deeper into if they will seek refuge from worries and hardships in the things of this world or in the one who made them? </div><div><br></div><div>And these questions and wonder slowly turn into a creeping anxiety that wrenches it's way into my gut. I want to keep my loved ones safe in my bubble, cozied up next to me in this warm place...But if I've learned anything at all in this dance called motherhood it is submission to control is usually the most powerful tool. Only when I cast any care from the least to the greatest at the feet of the one who grants all peace and comfort can I rest reassuringly. Losing control and handing over the baton to Him who works together all things for the good of us who love Him grants me control over my fear. And nobody loves His children more perfectly than He who created us in the first place. "As a father has compassion for his children, so the LORD has compassion for those who fear him" (Psalm 103:13) And he promises us comfort as well. "As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you" (Isa. 66:13) I can find rest in these words of life today. As my precious ones sip hot soup and lay cuddled up on the couch, I cast cares and fears upward at a heavenly throne to a listening ear who loves them more than I could ever imagine. In this, I rest.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCl2D3CdryECmrp7g2c5kX1dwcK5U1KYIeFBN48gUUJHToIfvurcC9zZNmjKCuIEgI9M5Kmtnr7SL7XCRQU1G86KH1fNL04NgkMlatbToqkIkmSs09W-upu503QgmQ-wEcZGBxfA6QMKjv/s640/blogger-image-386845818.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCl2D3CdryECmrp7g2c5kX1dwcK5U1KYIeFBN48gUUJHToIfvurcC9zZNmjKCuIEgI9M5Kmtnr7SL7XCRQU1G86KH1fNL04NgkMlatbToqkIkmSs09W-upu503QgmQ-wEcZGBxfA6QMKjv/s640/blogger-image-386845818.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-69553188525514397902014-06-29T23:05:00.003-04:002014-06-29T23:13:10.915-04:00Lion On the ProwlFull fledged fright engulfed me. The children were behind the retractable wall partitions in their assigned Sunday school classrooms and were blissfully ignorant of the terror their teachers were experiencing. What seemed like hours but in fact were only moments earlier I had caught a glance of the golden beast trekking proudly through the high school softball field across the street. His green eyes reflected the sunlight from the sky and also shone off of the huge muscles defining a grand muscular body. Massive paws pounded the earth as he made his way fiercely across the road right to the very place I was praying he wouldn't dare come. I ran inside of the gold brick building. Dread, worry, panic filled my whole being. The church was filled. How would I warn them? The next thing I knew, he was inside. The floor shook as he traipsed down the hallways. Everywhere I ran, he was there. I couldn't think of a plan, I wasn't able to move or yell or even whisper a warning. I knew deep in my tied up gut that he was trying to destroy us. I knew who he was the moment I laid eyes on him. He was my enemy, our enemy in disguise....And the feeling was so real, so detailed. I kept telling myself that there was no way this was really happening. How could a wild lion have been unleashed into the burbs, into a city, into my city, and such safe one? Vividly, the memory of fellow church members that were there enter my mind. I recall their fright, their panic. I don't know what happened to the lion, or the people that were there, or myself. I woke up in the middle of one of the scariest dreams I have ever dreamed. And a few years later the vision I have tucked away in my mind surfaces brightly as I read this portion of scripture:<br />
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<b><i>1 Peter 5:8</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. </i></b></div>
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I dream some really strange and crazy dreams. And most of the time there is no rhyme or reason to them. But once in a blue moon I will have a very realistic, humbling, life-altering one and this was one of those times. I haven't forgotten and I don't understand the meaning completely but 1 Peter 5:8 has been with me since. </div>
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And tonight I came across the definition of the Greek word <b><i>"katapino" </i></b>which means <b><i>"to devour"</i></b> in the context of this verse. Another word for it is : "<i><b>overwhelmed".</b> </i> (also to <i>drink down, gulp entire, drown, swallow up</i>) So I say it again: <b>Overwhelmed</b> is the same Greek word that Peter used when he said that Satan seeks to <b>"devour us"</b> </div>
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The Devil who actually is defined as slanderer, seeks to overwhelm us. I don't know how many times on a daily basis I feel completely overwhelmed. Confirmation that is a real thing. He is on the prowl, waiting to pounce when given the opportunity. Have you ever felt attacked by that prowling lion and his untrue accusations in his attempts to blacken your name? Have you felt belittled, disgraced, humiliated, shamed? His name is also interpreted as false accuser. Good news FALSE accuser! He is intentionally deceptive and deliberately untrue down to his uttermost core. </div>
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And that goes for the church as well...the enemy is seeking to destroy Christ's Bride. He will boldly tramp his way down the halls and into the sanctuary yearning to open up those huge jaws and throw her back like a Mountain Dew Big Gulp. </div>
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But thankfully, we are warned, I am warned...to be sober-minded. Not just physically, but also sober in a sense that I can refrain from being falsely secure. I am reminded not to be be anxious but to be watchful, don't lie drowsy and sleepily like the foolish shepherds but be on guard of the cares of this life and whatever may intoxicate my mind. Being mindful of these things will help equip me with ammo to fight off that fierce beast who zealously pursues to destroy me. And destroyed I have been. I have been completely overwhelmed and drowning in a sea of tears. Down in the pit, at my lowest of lows, I have felt a hand reach down and grab me up out onto higher ground. </div>
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And as He, my Redeemer, begins to work out my salvation I am humbled beyond words. Because I know in my heart of hearts that He is always victorious and even though we have an enemy who yearns to beat us down, overwhelm and engulf us. Our God wins. </div>
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As my enemy tries to belittle......I will EXALT Christ</div>
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As he tries to shame................. I will GLORIFY Christ</div>
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As he tries to scorn...................I will ADORE Christ </div>
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As he tries to humiliate..............I will PRAISE Christ</div>
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As he tries to disgrace...............I will HONOR Christ</div>
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The cross always trumps the grave. </div>
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Every. Single. Time.<br />
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And one day He will return to take His Bride, and there will be a great celebration... </div>
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<b><i>"Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready" Revelation 19:7</i></b></div>
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-35000554989713448002014-05-17T21:38:00.001-04:002014-05-17T22:09:47.742-04:00ShineThe sun descended its usual descent. The clouds broke and my eyes could soak up the blazing ball out my window. I glanced back into our family room and the streaks of golden ate up the creamy carpet and pathed their beams upon my darling boy. He looked up at me across the room with those gray blue eyes of his all brightened up and twinkling almost dancing right out of his teenaged self. I had a moment sitting there across from him a few feet away. Memories seemed to shoot through my mind and into my heart. I could feel him as a baby in my arms rocking his long lanky body in our tiny, yellow first house. The noise of the main road behind us even filled my ears as I recollected the apple trees outside the nursery window that was always wide open in the warm weather since we had no air conditioning. I remember cringing and praying he wouldn't wake when the loud motorcycles and semis would boom by. To keep him there, in my arms, in my memories I know was impossible but at that very moment tonight, I wanted to go back there. Not only to have control over his little world that was held in my arms but also to journey back to the person I was 13 years ago. Parenting, schedules, work, life can turn a person, a mama, this mama, into something she never dreamed she'd become. And I stand in the sunlit room humbled by these thoughts. How I've failed him, that boy lying on the floor looking over at me with his half turned up smile. My intentions to first love him with a marrow deep love and rear him in grace and truth haven't happened as planned. I have fallen down over and over again. High expectations and short tempers have trumped mercy many times. My eyes start to well and my voice quivers as these emotions take over and I mumble a few misplaced words to him. And as I speak, I can physically feel the love of God, even a bit of His glory shine down upon me. I feel Him, His beautiful grace calming every regret, every fear of ruining my sweet boy for life. I try to explain it to Jonah and he jumps out of the sunshine and into the shadows and I get that look that I have been getting recently from him. The "Oh my gosh mom, seriously? " look. And I snap back into the here and now, irritation biting in my gut and once again I am a mama to a teenager. But in this moment I can smile to myself feeling a reassurance of forgiveness and strength to carry on. I feel the sovereignty of God in my core and know in my heart that He works together all things for the good of those that love Him in Christ Jesus. <br />
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And my prayer tonight is that He will shine His glory down filling us, filling the whole earth...<br />
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-10238885484040766332014-03-13T00:02:00.001-04:002014-03-13T00:12:39.175-04:00Let It GoShe has seen the movie not once, not twice, not even thrice...but FOUR times. Birthday parties, grandmas and one mama were all happily buying her a ticket to go and check out the animated "Broadway" flick. It also helped occupy some time off of school with the polar vortex and Snowmageddon 2014 between cold days and snow days. Why didn't it snow like that back in the 80's...like EVER! Seriously, I think we had maybe 2 snow days my whole 13 years in public school...Anyway, "Frozen" has been a hit at our house (at least with the two females living here and even if they deny it, all of the males know every. single. word. to the hit song). And Ayla, I left her home for a couple of hours with her big brothers one day, (probably a stinking snow day for goodness' sake) while I ran some errands...She had my I-Pad and I set her up on disney.com before I left. Upon returning, as I unlocked the door I heard her sweet little voice belting out as I turned the key. I entered the house to her standing on the couch, looking at herself in the mirror and singing with her arms thrown up in the air, <b><i>"LET IT GO, LET IT GO"</i></b>...She must have found the instrumental/accompaniment on the website...I blinked back my proud tears and had a quick vision of her playing the young Cosette in "Les Miserables" at the Fisher Theater downtown in a couple of years.<i>.(a theater buff can dream, right?)</i><br />
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So the boys come running to me crying out, almost as dramatically as their baby sister...<br />
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<i>"She hasn't stopped singing this song the whole time you were gone, make her stop mom, please, HELP...!!!"</i><br />
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As she belts out,<br />
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<i><b>"Can't hold it back any-mooore!"</b></i><br />
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And the boys don't hold back either...as they beg me to get her to be quiet...but there were little smirks on their faces and deep down, I would almost bet <i>(if I were a betting woman, which I'm not...)</i> that they were loving <i><b>every minute</b></i> of their cute little girl gracing them with her sweet vibrato...<br />
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She sings,<br />
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<i><b> "...The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside...Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried..."</b></i><br />
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Powerful words...Swirling storms and trying to keep holding it all together..Been there, done that. Like <b>every. single. day...</b><br />
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But she continues,<br />
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<i><b>"Don't let them in, don't let them see...Be the good girl you always have to be...Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know...Well, now they now..."</b></i><br />
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How many times in my life have I been afraid to let people in? Always wanting to please and be the good girl. These words are resonating. Hitting some nerves as my 6 year old climbs up on the arm of the couch, picturing herself on a snowy cliff on top of the world,<br />
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<b><i>"Let it Go, Let it Go, Can't hold it back anymore!" </i></b><br />
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The notes hit my ears and my heart opens up big as I take it all in...I want to climb up on top of the icy mountaintop right next to her and LET IT <b><i>ALL</i></b> GO. The fears and anxiety...The facades and people-pleasing...<br />
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I want to shut the door, slam it, like my daughter sings, in the pretend faces of my imaginary audience. <i> I don't want to care what they may say, I want to let the storm rage on...</i><br />
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As she sings on,<br />
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<b><i>"It's funny how some distance...Makes everything seem small...And the fears that once controlled me Can't get to me at all..."</i></b><br />
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Wow, how often does my fear control me? I wish it couldn't get to me...maybe I should step back, distance myself from all of it? There is only one healthy fear...the fear of God...which is more of a reverence or holy fear, and nothing to be afraid of but rather something to stand in awe of...so why do I ever fear? <br />
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The song builds and she says,<br />
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<b><i>"It's time to see what I can do...To test the limits and break through...No right, no wrong, no rules for me...I'm free" </i></b><br />
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Testing the limits, busting through, breaking free...with no rules, no expectations that I have set on myself...FREEDOM!<br />
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And I think to myself, what a beautiful reminder of the freedom I have in Christ! Freedom from not only the burden of my hideous sin but also of the burden of my self righteous, good-girl acts, <b>every. single. one.</b>..<br />
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<i><b>"Let it go, let it go...And I'll rise like the break of dawn...Let it go, let it go...That perfect girl is gone"</b></i><br />
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And the plateau of the song is reached as my arms reach up high letting go of that perfect girl! Every girl can relate to wanting to shed the false image of perfection. How we long to embrace the mold of acceptance, just how we are, where we are, as we are...Today, we come, bowing low but opened up wide to a savior who we can let it all go to... and receive from...the freedom that is only found in His great love!~ Praise be to God!<br />
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<b><i>Thanking God, the Most High One, tonight for His amazing grace that covers and saves, transforms and redeems!</i></b><br />
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<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-4239434881642154492014-01-12T23:27:00.000-05:002014-01-12T23:38:46.473-05:00Perfectly No ResolutionThe second week of the new year is about to begin and finally we are back in the swing of things. Because last week snow fell fierce and temperatures plummeted into record lows and my plans to get back into a schedule were put on hold with school closings and never ending snow shoveling...So this week, this week feels more like the very beginning of January and the new year and new things. <br />
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New Year's resolutions and me have a bad relationship. Annually, 11:50 pm rolls in and I go through the same pep talk in my mind, conversing to my God...When the clock strikes midnight I inhale deeply, usually kiss the hubby and/or kids, take a breath and think to myself how long can I go without messing up? A few seconds, a minute, an hour? Fresh starts like fresh fallen crisp white puffy snowflakes are beckoning...And I have great intentions of doing life better. I gaze into my loved ones' eyes and make silent vows to be better to do better. How my heart yearns to be proactive instead of reactive. There are many changes, some small...some huge...Year after year, they don't waver much and years have turned into decades and I continue to struggle...<br />
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So this year, 2014 barely in existence, I have done the drill with myself...we toast, embrace and pack up the kids and head home from company, good company, and my heart is full...how rapidly a moment can turn foul. She wakes up and throws a fit begging us to turn around and stay the night. She slept over last year and wanted to again...The small space can't contain her raging lungs and my fresh start somersaults completely around into a deep pit of lost patience. <i>"Happy Freaking New Year,"</i> slips up from my sin-filled heart and right off of this untamed tongue out into my precious one's ears and into their little hearts. And I rage it out more than once...So much for my few moments of perfection...<br />
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So very often I try to do the right thing. I vow, promise, and no sooner do I find myself sunk down in a deep hole of regret and mistake. Trying so hard to be <i>"good enough"</i> or<i> "better than"</i> and most of the time I end up flat on my face...seeking forgiveness from the offended, from my God. And in those moments I am humbled beyond words. And I hear what I believe to be the small, still voice of Him, my savior, quietly pleading with me to extend the same grace He gives to all, to myself. <br />
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<i><b>'But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."'</b></i><br />
<i><b>James 4:6</b></i><br />
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So this year I'm not making any resolutions that will get broken and lost. I'm going to stop trying so hard to be better and quit aiming for PERFECTION. Instead I will cling to the hope I have in my Redeemer...I will be <b><i>"confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in me [you] will PERFECT it until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6)</i></b><br />
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I will try very hard to let go and let God...as the saying goes...<br />
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<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-40566833207059574062014-01-01T13:16:00.003-05:002015-01-02T09:29:52.974-05:002014 RecappedSo long 2014...<br />
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We made many memories...<br />
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Here is a recap of the pretty wonderful ones... <br />
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The not so great ones are hidden in my heart hopefully helping shape me into something better...<br />
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But all won't be forgotten...<br />
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Looking back on 2013...</div>
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2012...</div>
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And 2011</div>
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4 years have come and gone so fast. My babies aren't little anymore...I love looking back at these moments and remembering each one. God is so good and has blessed us beyond measure. I sit here with a full grateful heart anticipating and embracing all that He has planned for us for 2015....</div>
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<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-79150528511152448802013-11-13T22:45:00.001-05:002013-11-13T22:50:02.967-05:00Living Life Small"Out of the mouths of babes" so the saying goes... or something like that...<br />
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Don't they crack you up sometimes, those little ones? Thank God that they can do that, right? Because the Lord, He, also knows how often they can make the blood boil in us parents. But I have to share Ayla's latest line. We were at my mother in law's for Sunday dinner and she was sitting on the landing putting on her shoes to go home. Her cousin's miniature labradoodle, Bauer, was sitting next to her. My sister-in-law was standing over them and asked Ayla, </div>
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<i>"Is Bauer your buddy?"</i></div>
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She replies <i>"Yes"</i> and looks at the dog and up at her aunt and shrugs her shoulders and says,</div>
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<i><b>"It must be really strange living life so small like that..."</b></i></div>
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And even now I chuckle thinking about her little voice uttering those words...</div>
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I am humored but at the same time in awe of what a six year old brings to my attention.</div>
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How much of my life is spent up on my high horse? Quick to guard my ego and lash a rebuttal. Or how often do I stand tall on my pedestal? Gazing down hard at those underneath where I have arrived or thought I have arrived in my arrogance that sometimes hides behind a false religion or legalism. I might as well be hurling stones at those below on the ground outside of my comfortable box... </div>
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What if I decided to live life really strange and jump down off of the high road falling hard on the ground beneath me bent over on my hands and knees?</div>
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There may be some bruising even some scrapes that draw blood...</div>
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My pride will wound me and it will hurt I am sure...</div>
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But how<b> <i>really strange</i></b><i> </i>life would be for those around me and myself and most importantly the kingdom of Heaven if I started<b> <i>living life small </i></b><i>l</i>ike that. Because last I heard, Jesus carried his cross down the road to the place where he was brutally crucified...and I don't think he was riding a high horse or standing proud on his pedestal but rather he was bent over in humility and grace. And in turn His sacrifice would become the greatest gift ever given to us. </div>
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<i><b>How beautifully strange living life so small can be!</b></i></div>
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-63091415218295710382013-10-19T00:22:00.000-04:002013-10-19T00:22:59.066-04:00Five Minute Friday: LaundryGo:<br />
Laundry and I , we don't go together too well...I mean AT ALL!! Really there isn't something out there that I loathe more than dirty clothes that need cleaned, or clean ones for that matter that need folded and put away. How I long for a tidy laundry room with empty baskets and clear floors. But in all reality that just isn't going to happen in my lifetime, like EVER! So I have embraced the fact that the piles will remain, most of the time un-seperated and towering high. And as I confess this awful secret that hides behind a tightly closed door...I can't help but think about the dirty little secrets of our lives that hide behind these doors. Whatever may be locked up tight and tucked away...we all have them. And I know that I wouldn't want my dirty laundry being aired out to a judging audience that's for sure! Instead, whether it be literally or figuratively...how I long to surround myself with those who understand and can relate to the Mount Everest piling high in my small grayish blue painted room or on the folds of my heart that hold my soul. What I don't yearn for are pointing fingers at my clothes or my confessions. I long for a place where my dirty laundry can be aired and encouragement may be whispered instead of judgement pointed. Tonight that is my prayer...To clean up with support that I can totally confide in without chastisement but with love....Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-38216763353083561852013-10-11T20:42:00.001-04:002013-10-11T20:42:30.165-04:00Five Minute Friday: Ordinary<br />
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How to Join:</h5>
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Want to know how Five Minute Friday got started and how to participate? All the details are<a href="http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/" style="color: #e17d03; text-decoration: none;" title=" here"> here</a>.</div>
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1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.<br />2. Link back here and invite others to join in.<strong><em><br />3. <strong><em>And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.</em></strong>.</em></strong></div>
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OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on the word:<span style="color: white;">::</span></div>
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<span style="color: #993300;">Ordinary…</span></h1>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px;">- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/10/five-minute-friday-ordinary-3/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.LhCfwQtK.dpuf</span><br />
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My big sister who is two years older and a lot more comfortable in her own skin was voted "Class Individual" her senior year of high school. She was the opposite of ordinary. She rode her bike to school and wore bell bottoms in the 90's before they were back in style. She loved her straw hat and in her free time enjoyed frolicking in the sparse woods that lined the small city we lived in. I on the other hand yearned to be the ordinary. To fit in and mesh with all the other brand named kids gracing the halls of our blue and gold themed school. I wanted to find acceptance in the in-crowd and be well-liked. I guess part of it was my middle child people pleasing personality. All I ever wanted was to be accepted but how afraid I was to show the real me. If other kids found out who I really was underneath the cheerleading uniform and curled hair, I was worried they would reject me. I was always a good girl but not too good to slip into the crowd. <br />
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And still I struggle with this. Despite the fact that I am a 35 year old woman married and raising three children, I still worry way too much of what others around me think. I am consumed so much of the time, whether it be through technology or actual human relationships with my peers, coworkers, church-goers, etc. that I have offended and not pleased the other person. I read into Facebook posts and Twitters and think, "Are they talking to me?" How often do I measure self-worth through "likes" and comments. And why am I intimidated of people who are typing and hiding behind computer screens who can't just pick up the phone and call me if there is a problem or conflict? <br />
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Why can't I just be more like my big sis who still isn't afraid to take a stand for what she believes in? People pleasing can be a dangerous thing. And I am done. Ready to face the unordinary head on. <br />
<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-41210636869075702792013-09-27T00:06:00.000-04:002013-09-27T00:06:00.365-04:00Knows Your NameWhen we were young so long ago, two decades now, he used to sing to me. He would sing one song and one song only. His buddies told him he sounded just like the guy who sang it on the television. I thought he sounded even better. His singing voice still sends chills down my spine all these years later... <div>
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The words of the theme song to the popular TV show really do have deep truths...</div>
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"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got</div>
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taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot</div>
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wouldn't you like to get away?<b> <i>(HECK YA! after taking care of the kids for two days while he is outta town)</i></b></div>
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Sometimes you wanna go</div>
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Where everybody knows your name</div>
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And they're always glad you came</div>
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You wanna be where you can see</div>
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Your troubles are all the same</div>
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You wanna go where everybody knows your name"</div>
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<i><b>(insert dododododoo-doo)</b></i></div>
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And tonight he is really living out those words that he sang so sweetly to me so many moons ago...</div>
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He is in Boston on business and went to <b>"Cheers" </b> </div>
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I couldn't help but smile when he sent me the pic:</div>
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And as I hummed the song and thought of the words, I was reminded of a truth that my God knows me by name. </div>
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<i><b>"...Do not fear for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the holy one of Israel." (Isaiah 43)</b></i></div>
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My God knows who I am, He knows my name...and He is with me through the carpool line which lets just be honest can feel like walking through fire or passing through sweeping, raging waters...It is scary! Yet very reassuring knowing He is with me while I am dodging mini-vans being operated by crazy moms on cell phones and jacked up on caffeine. </div>
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But in all seriousness, <b>He is with me and knows my name. </b></div>
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Which brings me to my next point...Now please keep in mind that I am not a biblical scholar and will never ever claim to understand commentary or translation but I thought it was very interesting that as I read on God is calling out His people...reassuring to<b><i> "draw out His sons and daughters from the ends of the earth"</i></b>...and then it reads:</div>
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<i><b>"everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made."</b></i></div>
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<b>He knows my name but has called me by His name.</b> </div>
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I have a new name in Christ. Which is His name. </div>
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I am not my own, I am His...Let His name be glorified in the hustle and bustle and when I am worn thin. When the kids are bickering and I am drowning, He is there bringing me up for air. When I am feeling burnt out, He assures me that I will not be burned up...</div>
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And as I'm making my way in the world today (feeling used up and spent),</div>
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taking everything I've got (I can always go right to the feet of Jesus)</div>
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I can take a break from all my worries...because it sure does help a lot! </div>
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I would like to get away</div>
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and I can go to Him who called me by my name</div>
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and I think that He's always glad I came...</div>
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<b><i>(insert dododododoodoo)</i></b></div>
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-20236895765232993932013-09-20T23:03:00.002-04:002013-09-20T23:09:37.622-04:00Five Minute Friday: She<div style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; padding: 0px;">
<strong>On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt.</strong></div>
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<a href="http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/" style="color: #e17d03; text-decoration: none;" title="Here’s how">Here’s how</a> it all got started, back story, details and all. The short version is:</div>
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<img alt="" class="alignleft" height="180" src="http://thegypsymama.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/5-minute-friday-1.jpg" style="display: inline; float: left; height: auto; margin: 0px 15px 10px 0px; max-width: 100%;" title="5 minute friday (1)" width="179" /></div>
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1. <strong>Write</strong> for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word. (On your blog or in the comments).<br />
2. <strong>Link</strong> back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button code in my blog footer}.<br />
3. <strong>Go</strong> leave some comment props for the five minute artist who linked up before you.</div>
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It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week.</div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px;">- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/09/five-minute-friday-she/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thegypsymama+%28thegypsymama%29#sthash.T5EbxBIm.dpuf</span><br />
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She:<br />
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Go<br />
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She's got a way about her, don't know what it is...or so Billy Joel thought...<br />
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I want to be her, the she in that song.<br />
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I wonder if every woman does?<br />
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The longing to be cherished. To be loved and not just typically but atypically...<br />
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To be needed...yearned for...<br />
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To turn someone around...and have them not know how we do it.<br />
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And in the ordinary, mundane everyday life to be thought of as extraordinary. <br />
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I may not be. Probably never will be in the eyes of another human...<br />
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But there is a God and He is a God who sees me. <br />
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And in His eyes, through the sacrifice of His beloved Son who bore all my shame, He sees me as just that. <br />
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Extraordinary...with a way about her...<br />
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And He sees my potential...What I was designed for...To do His will, making known the extraordinary in the ordinary. Living out His purpose in a way that He would have...All for His glory!!<br />
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StopEmilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-87464633998591007622013-09-13T14:31:00.000-04:002013-09-13T14:31:48.181-04:00Five Minute Friday: MercyMercy<br />
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One of my Grandma's favorite sayings was, "Well Lord have mercy..." Whenever something was shocking or surprising to her, she would say those four words with her southern Kentucky drawl. <br />
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And when times are tough, when I don't feel the grace of God I say those words, pray them out to Him...<br />
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"Lord have mercy..." sometimes it's in the form of , "help me Jesus" when the kids are on my last nerve or the clock ticks too fast or when I'm at the end of my rope. <br />
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But that's what Jesus is...mercy...Our saving grace...and it doesn't matter if the situation is large or small, He grants us mercy whenever we cry out for it...<br />
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Today I'm saying it.<br />
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"Lord have mercy" on my children while they are at school...on my husband at work...on me as I go about my day. Because we all need it so...<br />
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<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-45632207508609545122013-09-02T00:39:00.005-04:002013-09-02T00:59:27.585-04:00Where Feet May Fail<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Almo</span><span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">st exactly two years ago to the day I posted this...it was a Wednesday, August 31, 2011...Joe and I had made a pact to wake up before the littles. It's not poetic or charming, but it was where we were in this short life and worth re-posting because God is so BIG and we are so small...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span style="color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Here it is:</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>"LOOK AT ME"</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Today I rolled out of bed early. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I promised him that I would and it was all my bright idea. To wake up before the crack of dawn together and </span><b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><i>seek Him </i></b><span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">out. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I didn't even hear the alarm but instead woke to the yellow glaring light he had flicked on in the bathroom. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">How I am </span><b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">NOT</b><span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> a morning person. It takes everything in me to get out of bed at a normal hour and I think to myself how this is insane but stand firm on my word and plant my feet on the cream plush carpet </span><b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">almost</b><span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> begrudgingly and arise. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I stumble down the creaky stairway and find him sitting there, looking at his phone and </span><b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">almost</b><span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> roll my eyes until I come closer and realize that he is reading scripture on it.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">He tells me how he woke up, right before the alarm went off, from a dream.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">In the dream, he tells me, t</span><span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">here was a hand reaching out and water all around him, and he was fearful but the man behind the hand urged him and spoke with great authority...</span></span><br />
<b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></b><b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Don't look left or right...LOOK AT ME!"</span></i></b><br />
<b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></b><span style="color: #272727; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">And Joe stood there on the water, afraid but looking straight ahead...</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">and then he awoke...moments before the alarm...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">out of a dead sleep he arose with a sense of urgency...</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">He immediately thought of the story in Matthew of Peter walking on the water. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">And that's what he was reading on his phone when I </span><b style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">almost</b><span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> rolled my eyes at him.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdfd; color: #272727; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">He reads it for me...</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Matthew 14:26-32 </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(NIV)</span></b></span></span></h3>
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<span class="versenum" id="en-NIV-23624" style="vertical-align: text-top;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span><span class="versenum" id="en-NIV-23624" style="vertical-align: text-top;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">26</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><span class="versenum" id="en-NIV-23625" style="vertical-align: text-top;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">27</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> But Jesus immediately said to them: </span></b><span class="woj"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”</span></b></span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><span class="versenum" id="en-NIV-23626" style="vertical-align: text-top;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">28</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><span class="woj"><span class="versenum" id="en-NIV-23627" style="vertical-align: text-top;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">29</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> “Come,”</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> he said.</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. </span></b><span class="versenum" id="en-NIV-23628" style="vertical-align: text-top;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">30</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><span class="versenum" id="en-NIV-23629" style="vertical-align: text-top;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">31</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.</span></b><span class="woj"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You of little faith,”</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> he said, </span></b><span class="woj"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“why did you doubt?”</span></b></span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><span class="versenum" id="en-NIV-23630" style="vertical-align: text-top;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">32</span></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.</span></b><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And as I let the words (this bread of life) in...a chill runs through my veins and out my skin, goosebumps all over...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We woke early to </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">seek</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He speaks</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And we are listening with ears perked out because He has shown up </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">BIG</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I don't </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">doubt</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> now...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">faith</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> has been increased...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know we can walk on water, if we </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">look to Him</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, not to the wind or the storms of life, </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not left or right</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> but straight on ahead to Him...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am encouraged, we both are! Our eyes are straight ahead...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But the question isn't:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Will we walk on water?"</span></b></i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He has assured us that we will, if we </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">look to Him...not left, not right...</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></i></b><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and He has enabled us this morning in the early hours of the day as the children still dream fast asleep to do just that..</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">look to HIM...</span></i></b></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The question is:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Will we get out of the boat?"</span></b></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And tonight, September 1, 2013, I ask the same question... </span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Will we trust in our Savior to lead us out onto the water where feet may fail and fear surrounds?" </span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last week we sang a song at church that we had never heard. It was beautiful and moving. People were wiping their eyes and sniffling around me, I didn't think much of it because typically, I cry during worship, I'm a mess, don't judge, I'm not afraid to admit it, anyway...The next day, Joe called me from work (which isn't very frequent...yes he loves me, but apparently doesn't have lots of time for chit-chat...or he knows I will keep him on the phone for much too long but I knew it was important) and he starts to say, "I can't stop thinking about that song we sang last night at church, and I didn't sing the words because I was afraid to..." I tried to recap the worship set and thought that I remembered but wasn't quite sure since I had lost half of my body weight in tears...but thankfully a sweet soul had posted a link to the song on FB, and I was able to make the connection... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And tonight we sang it again at church...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is both beautiful and courageous...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And really does make you think before you sing...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Check it out..I hope it ministers to you as much as it did to us!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God is so good and His love endures forever!!</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May we all trust in Him to give us the faith to step out where our trust is without borders!! </span> </i></b></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/dy9nwe9_xzw" width="480"></iframe>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-64852399377228067132013-08-04T00:56:00.000-04:002013-08-04T10:15:49.272-04:00Sacred Moments<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-fkJQ8nzY8blkUxypvNtjM-htJzovR_bnwWZ9Nzi-aQ4G76So6gUmXlVwxF69JClUqaxTf73wjB-uOVQFr_XKsPrHhbNrfJqQDxvnhTH4jUcE7K0G4zCZeuLEsDxTPuuzIN_Ce6QpjSN_/s1600/photo+(4).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-fkJQ8nzY8blkUxypvNtjM-htJzovR_bnwWZ9Nzi-aQ4G76So6gUmXlVwxF69JClUqaxTf73wjB-uOVQFr_XKsPrHhbNrfJqQDxvnhTH4jUcE7K0G4zCZeuLEsDxTPuuzIN_Ce6QpjSN_/s400/photo+(4).JPG" width="300"></a></div>
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Almost three years have passed since my Grandma passed...<br>
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The dull churning of my insides has eased and moments turn to hours that change into days...weeks...months...years...<br>
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But the empty pit deep down and tucked away sometimes rears it's face and sadness graces my being, wishing she was here. <br>
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She lived two doors down... a skip, a hop, a jump away...<br>
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If I was feeling lonely or that middle-child-syndrome was flaring up hard, I would race there...my bags packed for the night looking forward to the warmth from my precious grandma's house that always made me feel at home. Her house was small and her surroundings quite meager but I couldn't have felt more safe any place else. <br>
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We sipped on tea from her corning-ware and my ears were filled with stories of her childhood and marriage and any other thing that could be talked about. My Gram, she liked to talk. And I loved to listen to her southern drawl as she fiddled with her collar bone, reaching for a necklace that wasn't there but telling stories that made me feel like I was back home with her down in her Kentucky blue.<br>
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We would sit and chat in that tiny kitchen where she cooked literally thousands of meals,,,<br>
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There was something almost sacred about that space. I can remember watching her time the dinner. The pressure cooker's high pitched whistle and the humid, hot air. Soup beans, corn bread, salmon patties and tomato gravy waiting to smother warm biscuits right out of the oven. Fresh green beans from the humble garden behind her garage that were snapped and broken on the front porch in her metal bowl while the cars sped by fast down Grange Road. <br>
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I still envision her sitting there and tend to look, even now, when I walk by or drive passed.<br>
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Oh how I miss her. <br>
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And tonight my uncle, who now lives there in that blue trimmed house where my daddy grew up, he brought me a cherished gift.<br>
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He brought me over one of her cups, and a couple other pieces of her dinnerware...<br>
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And my eyes took in the familiar white dishes with pea-green daisies. <br>
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Rushing thoughts flood as moments, remembered...<br>
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And how thankful and grateful I am for each memory. <br>
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How quickly this life may pass. <br>
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But how lavishly we can live in remembering these sacred moments that words cannot contain. Because death may snatch our loved ones...young or old...but their memories will live on telling stories untold...<br>
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<br>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7138085682279564985.post-47696237861868845202013-07-23T23:34:00.001-04:002013-07-23T23:39:57.720-04:00I Am "THAT" Mom<br />
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So I am <b>THAT</b> mom...<br />
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Ayla lost her second tooth the other day and was so very excited. With her two front bottom teeth missing, she smiled big at me after I picked her up from day camp. She shared, in detail (oh my goodness it took a few minutes), exactly how it happened in the Meijer bathroom with her cousin directing her to "twist, twist, twist" until the tiny tooth made it's way from her gums to her hands...yes I know, it all seems very unsanitary, the whole thing, but I have to put that out of my mind so that my blood pressure remains normal.<br />
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So anyhoo...she brings the cherished ivory prize home in a dixie cup. I put it in the cup holder of my sweet white-mini-van-that-sucks-all-of-the-cool-right-out-of-me and drove us home. And the prized-possession stays there overnight because, oops, I forgot! We forgot, all of us! And that was Friday. Ayla didn't seem to mind or remember that night or Saturday night either, when she spent the night at Gaga's (can you blame her, she has a new pool? With fountains!!). So I don't recall what happened on Sunday but the tooth spent the night AGAIN in the dixie cup in the cupholder...<br />
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So yesterday, she remembers about her tooth and how she forgot to put it under her pillow and I panic as my heart starts racing because frankly I don't recall even seeing it in our two month old van that was spic and span for like a minute or two after I vowed to keep it perfect, and totally fell off of that band wagon...But thank our Father in Heaven, it was there! We retrieve the dixie cup and Ayla finds her special tooth pillow and tucks it tight under hers and goes to sleep without a fight and dreaming of tooth fairy dust...<br />
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Mind you, Joe and I took up walking/running in the mornings before the kids wake up, like two whole days in a row...So, in my defense, all that was on my mind was the 6:30 am alarm as I climbed up the stairs Monday night. And this morning, as we tip-toed around tying our shoes and setting our playlists...Ayla (who has been sleeping in until at least 9 am the WHOLE summer) whimpers in a very tired and confused morning voice,<br />
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<i><b>"She didn't come, my tooth is still here!"</b></i><br />
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And my heart sinks as my stomach ties into an ugly bow...<br />
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I forgot! I totally and completely felt like I ruined her childhood, right then and there! Now I must admit that the tooth fairy has forgotten Jonah and Micah, on more than one occasion as well and I felt really horrible but they are so easy to divert and fool. And the drama, oh the<b> DRAMA</b>, is just not nearly as noticeable with those boys, ever! But Ayla, on the other hand, <b>NEVER</b> misses a beat and has the memory of an elephant. I tried to explain that the tooth fairy may have forgotten because we didn't leave out the tooth on the first official night of the loss...<br />
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And she cried, and cried... She said the tooth fairy forgot her and was never coming back. <br />
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Oh the guilt. I am <b><i>THAT </i></b>mom...<br />
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So tonight we left a big sign on her door. She asked for tooth fairy dust <i>(thank you cousin Janie for telling her all about the tooth fairy dust that you experienced after losing a tooth)</i>. <br />
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And tonight the tooth fairy will make an appearance. Her and her "Bare Escentuals: Gold Mineral Veil" will have to do...<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFkwt048SEZkOqcG-7yNd4c7jl9IZ_xJBGiRS9fUiacI5dGpDsHaXqGuDeAtvmVokVNJx3A2Xv-egMDw6OtLOd-uQNE0Ln0OtCxjSisejuITHw4TZ97qRmbedpOtdC8NAhDTTRWiGvS7EF/s1600/IMG_2153.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFkwt048SEZkOqcG-7yNd4c7jl9IZ_xJBGiRS9fUiacI5dGpDsHaXqGuDeAtvmVokVNJx3A2Xv-egMDw6OtLOd-uQNE0Ln0OtCxjSisejuITHw4TZ97qRmbedpOtdC8NAhDTTRWiGvS7EF/s400/IMG_2153.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ayla after her first tooth loss</td></tr>
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<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446534373275267158noreply@blogger.com0