Full Circle

Last year was probably the absolute busiest and most stressful years that Joe and I have faced since we have been married. Where should I begin? Lets see, in March, Joe started coaching Jonah's hockey team (thankfully we had someone step up as manager, but he had never done it before and Joe ended up co-managing as well.). In the beginning of April, I quit my job and opened up a salon/spa with my family that was a work in progress for over a year and had to be kept "top-secret" so that my sister and I could retain our clients and not lose our previous jobs. (No stress there, really) In the beginning of June, we both felt led to start attending a new church and leave our place of worship that we had called home for the previous seven years. In that same month, Joe made the decision to take a new job with a new company. This new job would be closer to home and an awesome opportunity but he had to attend training in New Jersey for the whole month of August. On top of the daily challenges of parenting young children; taxiing them to their activities, breaking up fights, kissing skinned knees, helping with homework, giving baths, tucking in, and the never ending piles of laundry and endless crumbs under the kitchen table, Joe and I were both trying to adjust to our new jobs. I started working more than I ever had since before Jonah and I don't regret it but it was just a little chaotic to say the least.

So anyways, we were a little busy, a little hard-pressed, if you will...
And everyone's busy. And we chose to busy ourselves. We do that, don't we? So I'm not complaining, just trying to explain my rationale behind why I haven't been able to really get too involved in my new church. I tried a few times and felt God pulling me back to my family and focusing on them, especially my children as my ministry. Yet there has been this small gnawing in my spirit for the past several months. And it is so cool how God has pulled this whole thing full circle.

I have had a little place in my heart for school-aged children since I was a young adult. I have to say "little" because after working in a summer day camp for 6-12 year olds the summer after I graduated high school, I decided that I really didn't want to be a teacher and pursued a completely different career, hence the hairdresser I am today. And looking back, I know full well that God had His hand on me in that decision. But I love kids. I love the crazy things that fly out of their mouths. I love their sweet innocent faces and their inquisitive nature. And as a mother I have grown in learning how to deal with and reason with little ones, so much more than I ever could at the young age of 18. Besides working with soloists for the Christmas plays at our previous church, I really didn't lead young children. Joe and I taught the high school Sunday school class and were more involved with singing and worship. So this is just totally a God-thing that I have finally felt the confirmation to volunteer in the kids church program.

Today was my first day. I woke up at 6:00am and that is completely abnormal for me. I am not a morning person. I was up very late last night too so it was REALLY abnormal. I was nervous. I was excited. I was nervous. To make matters worse, Micah almost started to cry just as we were going in and told me that he did NOT want me to work in his class. I asked him why and he replied,

"It's just embarrassing Mom, to have you in there."

Go figure. After the jitters wore off I can honestly say that I felt so "at home". I just felt like God was re-confirming in me my decision. It's so true that you really feel blessed when serving. And I have to admit that I really enjoyed the lesson. But it wasn't until tonight as I tucked the boys in and we were talking all about what they had learned at church that the Holy Spirit confirmed in me how this was just what God was pulling me toward. I was so much more equipped to engage with them in the conversation. I was able to refresh their minds and share with them so much more than usual. And I just think that it is so cool how after feeling so led to focus on my children as my ministry that God has opened up this opportunity for me to serve them even more and my church body all at the same time. Our God is so good. He has brought me full circle with this and for that I am entirely grateful.

Proverbs 22:6 (NASV)
Train a child up in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

An American Soldier

My dad's older brother Gary joined the Marines at the peak of the Vietnam War. He wrote this letter to his pastor four and a half short months before he was killed. On this 4th of July I would like to honor his memory and thank him and every single soldier like him who has sacrificed his/her for the sake of our freedom.

24 Sept. 1967
Dear Rev. Jones,

You'll have to excuse me if I started this letter wrong, cause it's the first time to a man of the Gospel. I really don't know what to say, but I'll try anyway.

To get things straight, my name is Gary W. Holbrook, son of Mr. and Mrs. Garrett Holbrook, 2216 Grange Rd. Trenton. If you will remember I talked with you a few times before I left for Vietnam.

I guess that most people getting letters from the men in Vietnam, would like to know a little about what it's like over here. This is the way I think of Vietnam.

The mountains are beautiful even if they are Vietnam mountains, and the water in the rice paddies is so clear you can see yourself in them. The sun is like a great light that never ceases to let you know it's always on the job. And at night the beauty of this far eastern country is unexplainable. I guess you might say it's like one of Walt Disney's Kodak Colored Pictures. That's what Vietnam appears to be like. Only God and the men that are over here giving up their lives truly know what Vietnam is like. to them it is always hot, wet, muddy, and above all lonely. All the outward looks of beauty that pertain to Vietnam's landscape and Vietnamese people is just a falsehood which hides death or destruction behind every bush or from the vast low banks of the lonely green paddies. During the day when the sun is shining brightly above and sending life to this ever expanding vastness of green foliage and jungle terrain. The fighting man must be especially leery because from these beautiful grass lands and majestic jungles there are those who would take his life if given the chance.

During the night when all is still and peace seems all around you, (for Vietnam doth truly seem peaceful at night) once again you find the American fighting man awake and waiting, for during these hours of blissful peace and constancy is when the enemy takes advantage of our fighting men, for at these beautiful times he sometimes lets his mind wander back to his loved ones far across the ocean, he asks himself, "Is it all worth it, being over here amongst all this beauty which is only a front for death?" He asks himself, "Is the price of peace and happiness for his loved ones too dear to pay with his life?" All these questions and many more run through these brave young mens' minds and there is still the same answers with God on our side and us being a free people and believing in Him, He will stand by our side no matter what the price. For I'm an American fighting man and will do my best to serve my God and my country. And although Vietnam is truly beautiful, it is just as deadly and even more so lonely for the American fighting man. Well I guess that's enough of my philosophy about Vietnam.

Well Reverend, I guess there really isn't much more to say except that I'm pretty sure I am not the only one that has a strong and compassionate feeling for Nam and it's people. I would certainly appreciate it if you would pray for all of us over here, and maybe some Sunday you could give a sermon on Vietnam, so people can do a little more about it then just say, "Well Vietnam's way over there and I am over here." I believe they should be made to realize that there is a little of each of us over here living and dying to help us all free and save, for tomorrow the sun will surly shine on a free and God-fearing people. I will also send you my address in case there are a few people in the church that might want to write. Thank you very much for listening to my problems. I only hope God heard them as well.

L/Cpl. Gary W. Holbrook U.S.M.C.

P.S. Feel free to tell others what I wrote, maybe it will give them a better understanding of what goes on over here.

Some final thoughts,
I hate war. I was always taught that it is a necessary evil, and maybe it is. The pacifist side of myself is totally against it yet the logical side of myself deems it as justifiable. Hopefully, one day God will answer all of the questions I have on the issue. But just like during Vietnam, I do believe that we need to pray for each and every soldier fighting for us, even if we don't agree with it. Just as my uncle cherished every prayer uttered on each American soldier's behalf, I think our troops today would as well. So will you join me in praying for our soldiers?

Happy Independence Day!!!!

Daddy

I really couldn't ask for a better father for my children. Joe is absolutely AMAZING with them. Just before I was about to have Jonah, he told me that he was going to spend special time with him everyday. And even when life gets hectic and chaotic, I have to say, Joe takes time each and everyday to give each one of our little ones quality "daddy-time". Whether it be playing catch, roller-blading, looking at baseball/hockey cards or painting Ayla's nails, he makes every effort to be with them on a daily basis.

Remember the song "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin?

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Joe never wanted to be like the man in that song. I am so thankful to my heavenly Father for my better half who gives 110% of himself to our kiddies. They are so blessed to have a daddy who not only loves to be with them but also is extremely patient with them as well. His love is unquestionable. And even now, I believe that Jonah and Micah have a respect for their daddy and such a good example of a father.

Living in the Now

Today marks the first day of the last week of school for the boys. As excited as I am about summer, I have been super emotional. How quickly they grow!!!! In the fall, Jonah will be in third grade and Micah will start first grade at the same school. I am not nearly as nervous as I was when Jonah started first grade but I am sad.

See, change and I, well we don't go together too well. All three times that we have moved I have mourned over our previous dwellings. The last move was the worst, I was a complete mess. I was the last one in the house vacuuming the basement and dusting the floors and just sobbing my brains out. I stopped by my mom's house afterward and she thought that somebody passed away. I couldn't even talk because I was crying so hard! And it's the memories that I was going to miss, not the actual house.

I tend to hold onto the past and worry about the future, instead of living in the moment. I'm working on this. I'm trying to live in the now and enjoy each minute of the day, TODAY. Guilt is such an ugly trap that I am sick of being stuck in. What I didn't do right or how I should have done something different. So instead of beating myself up and having a pity party right now, I'm going to go and tuck my little ones into bed and cherish every moment! (...because all too soon, they won't want back-scratches and goodnight kisses!!!)

Miracles

Micah turned six last Thursday. I still am having trouble wrapping my mind around how fast the years fly by. The first couple years of his life are a little bit blurry. The boys are two years and five months apart and I did feel slightly insane dealing with the terrible twos and a new baby who wasn't extremely difficult or anything but literally came out of the womb coughing. And because he struggled with lung-issues, he was always fussy and constantly wanted to be held. But I have to admit, I enjoyed holding him, all of the time. After we had Ayla, my mom informed me that she never even remembered holding Micah because he always wanted me. (Didn't remember that, must have been a bit blurry too.) Around the eighth month of his life, I took him to the doctor's office and told him that I knew something was wrong because Jonah never sounded like the penguin (Wheezy) on Toy Story and Micah did. From that day on, Micah has been on some sort of asthma medication. Joe and I have gone back and forth through the years. We would try one med. and then take him off after a couple of months because we were worried about the side effects. Thankfully, we have medicine readily available but I really can't stand pumping his little body full of it. Watching my son struggle with this sickness has tested my faith, in God, more than any other issue in my life that I can think of. Countless nights, he has waken up coughing, violently, sounding like an old man who had horrible bronchitis. On numerous occasions throughout his young life, I have cried out to my God, "Why? Why Lord, don't you heal my little boy? Don't I have enough faith?" One night we took Micah to a healing service at out church and had hands laid upon him and people were praying over him for God to intervene. And I am not exaggerating when I tell you that we were up with him all night giving him Albuterol treatments because his symptoms worsened.

In my opinion, there is nothing more horrible, as a mother, than watching your child suffer. How I longed, long for my Lord to make him better, completely. Hundreds and hundreds of prayers have been uttered from my lips. For some reason, my God chooses not to take this completely away from Micah. Being completely honest, I am not sure why but I do know that He CAN miraculously heal him, if He so chooses.

I have witnessed miracles in my life time. My little sister, Elizabeth, was born with "low muscle tone". That was the diagnosis after much testing. She didn't role over until she was 13 months old and never crawled. Instead she would sit with her little legs like a frog and scoot around the floors of our home. A therapist came to our house once or twice a week and she was in a special program with other children who couldn't walk or were physically disabled in some way. At the time, my mom was a brand new Christian and she tells me that she actually experienced "the peace that passes all understanding" when praying for Elizabeth. She envisioned her in a wheel chair, playing the piano (...my little sister is an extremely gifted musician who happens to play the piano and sing and write music, amazingly!). Even if she never walked, my mom had this PEACE, but she did pray that Elizabeth would walk before she turned two, if she was going to. Two weeks before her 2nd birthday, my baby sister took her first step. The doctors and therapists couldn't explain it. But we could, and we did. My mom's response to any inquisition was always, "It was a miracle. I believe that God healed her." I know He heals. I know He can.

Right around the same time, my mom was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and had been for a long time. My mom tells us that she loved smoking. She loved sipping a cup of coffee in one hand and smoking a cigarette in another. I distinctly remember her pack of Marlbolo reds on the table next to the ashtray. She would never buy more than one at a time. Every morning my dad would drive up to the gas station down the street and pick up her pack for the day. So, my mom had been praying to God. She told Him that she didn't want to quit smoking, she told Him that she loved it, and that if He wanted her to quit, that He would just have to take it away from her. I don't know how long my mom prayed this prayer, but I do remember her one morning, in her green bathrobe in our little living room, and my dad standing at the door letting her know that he was going to go up and get her cigarettes, and my mom telling him that she didn't need them, because she wasn't going to smoke anymore. She hasn't touched a cigarette since that very day and when people asked her how she did it, her response always is the same, "I didn't quit, God took smoking away from me." And I believe He did. I know He did. I know He is able.

I know that God uses circumstances in people's lives for reasons. My mom was a young believer when these amazing miracles occurred. Her own personal faith in Him increased as well as others' around her. This childlike faith is attainable, I know that because I had it. I was three years old when my baby sister was born, five when she walked, I remember it, I lived it. Thinking back on this now, I am so grateful that our Lord was magnified in so many ways that were oblivious to me as a child.

And I can't even try to figure out why, why God chooses to do the things he does and doesn't do, and honestly, I don't even have a desire to know why. What I do know and have been reminded of tonight, is that my Lord is the one in charge. Everything big and small is in His hands. And it's not all about me and my little family and my little world. It's about Him and He is the Most magnificent miracle to have ever existed or that will ever exist. He is the Alpha and Omega, He is I AM and I want everyone, everywhere to know that HE IS LOVE. His love is deeper than the deepest ocean and higher than the highest mountain peak. And right now I want to thank Him for miraculously intervening and revealing His deep, deep love to me.

Forty Degree Drop

On Monday our skies were blue and the sun was shining at a hot 82 degrees. Micah and Ayla were illustrating beautiful chalk drawings on the warm cement. People were everywhere,in their summer attire, walking dogs and riding bikes. The kids were even asking me to take them swimming and begging me to let them have water balloon fights. The very next day my thermometer read a bleak, 46. All I can say is, "ONLY IN MICHIGAN!!!" Only in Michigan, can the temperature plummet almost forty degrees overnight!

And of course, I started thinking about this drop...
And of course, I started thinking about it in more ways than one...

It could be any day, I could go to church and the worship was awesome or in Bible study I become deeply inspired to allow God to mold me in a new way. Sometimes it happens when I am gazing at my precious babies as they sleep and look so angelic or when He paints the sky with such magnificent shades that I can't help but stand in awe. I plan out how I'm going to change or what steps I'm going to take to draw closer to my Lord and feel really on top of my game. I feel God holding me in His arms shedding his unfathomable grace upon me and I really FEEL it. You know? I take it all in and I repent and truly feel His forgiveness and promise Him that I am really going to change certain things in my life this time with honest sincerity.

And then, I wake up the next day and seem to feel forty degrees different. The feelings of exhilaration that engulfed me the day prior become bleak and cold. Back in the mundane grind, I sludge through the day ignoring all of my promises that were straight from my previous joyful heart that has suddenly turned quite muddy. I feel thousands of miles away from my God who I felt, just yesterday cradling me in the palm of His hand.

And I know it's me and not Him. I know He is right there. It's just that I can't FEEL Him and it seems as though forty degrees separate us-God and me. And I long to FEEL Him, really FEEL Him again.

Up and down...back and forth...flesh against spirit...day to day...LIFE...

Unity

Last Wednesday night we drove down to visit some beloved friends in Marietta, Georgia. We really enjoyed our time together and it was so nice to spend a few days catching up, while our seven kids (combined) played hard! We spent Easter attending the church that our friend is now on staff at, and went out for a yummy dinner. The message was really good and the service was amazing.

Their church is huge and there is a full orchestra and choir and drama team that were all involved throughout the service. The church is very well established and seems to have been around for quite a while. We are attending a totally different type of church at the present time where you are out of place if you don't have on your blue jeans and if you don't like loud rock music, you probably wouldn't care for our place of worship. So the two churches are almost as opposite as can be, yet they both preach the same gospel.

Isn't it crazy how like churches, we, as believers in Christ can be so different from one another, yet worship the same God? From our choices in clothing and the way we decorate to the way we discipline our kids and our political views. From differing opinions on interpretation of scripture, (eternal security, the tribulation, speaking in tongues, etc) to varying denominations.

So much of the time, I want everyone to think just like me. I have a hard time accepting people's views on certain issues if their views differ too much from mine and what I think is biblical or whatever. I am not talking about the essentials, here. (The Apostle's Creed is my favorite statement of belief on that matter). I am talking about non-essentials and staying united in Christ with one another even though we don't agree completely with one another on every single stinking issue!! Wherever there is division, I believe, gives Satan a foothold. So tonight, I just wanted to get that off of my chest and hopefully, into my heart.

"In essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, charity (or love)"
St. Augustine