Thursday, April 30, 2009

Forty Degree Drop

On Monday our skies were blue and the sun was shining at a hot 82 degrees. Micah and Ayla were illustrating beautiful chalk drawings on the warm cement. People were everywhere,in their summer attire, walking dogs and riding bikes. The kids were even asking me to take them swimming and begging me to let them have water balloon fights. The very next day my thermometer read a bleak, 46. All I can say is, "ONLY IN MICHIGAN!!!" Only in Michigan, can the temperature plummet almost forty degrees overnight!

And of course, I started thinking about this drop...
And of course, I started thinking about it in more ways than one...

It could be any day, I could go to church and the worship was awesome or in Bible study I become deeply inspired to allow God to mold me in a new way. Sometimes it happens when I am gazing at my precious babies as they sleep and look so angelic or when He paints the sky with such magnificent shades that I can't help but stand in awe. I plan out how I'm going to change or what steps I'm going to take to draw closer to my Lord and feel really on top of my game. I feel God holding me in His arms shedding his unfathomable grace upon me and I really FEEL it. You know? I take it all in and I repent and truly feel His forgiveness and promise Him that I am really going to change certain things in my life this time with honest sincerity.

And then, I wake up the next day and seem to feel forty degrees different. The feelings of exhilaration that engulfed me the day prior become bleak and cold. Back in the mundane grind, I sludge through the day ignoring all of my promises that were straight from my previous joyful heart that has suddenly turned quite muddy. I feel thousands of miles away from my God who I felt, just yesterday cradling me in the palm of His hand.

And I know it's me and not Him. I know He is right there. It's just that I can't FEEL Him and it seems as though forty degrees separate us-God and me. And I long to FEEL Him, really FEEL Him again.

Up and down...back and forth...flesh against to day...LIFE...

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