(from Feb. 2011)

Two years ago almost to the date, I wrote this.  Today we are in a very similar spot with an unknown future.   I always find strength when I take the time to remember His faithfulness in my life...

Path Unknown

In winter we bundle up in our gear and journey down the path prepared for harsh wind, frigid air, hard ice.  Waterproof clothing and boots shell our bodies.  We are ready for the bitter cold.  Dressed for the journey down the snow-laden trail.  It is a Sunday, the Sabbath, the Lord's day.  The sun is shining deceivingly in the brilliant blue sky.   Within minutes, Ayla cries to be held.  Daddy sweeps her up in his arms and plants her on top of his broad shoulders.  We trek on and turn around after almost a mile or so.  Micah, exhausted from the hike, begs me to pick him up.  Knowing I would only make it a few feet lugging his lanky 60 pound body, I tell him no and try to get his mind off of the situation instead.  "Lets pretend like we are walking down our street back home."  To divert his attention, I go through each house lined on our block and have him help me remember which one is is next.  Soon enough we are back to where the trail began.   The whole family is tired but invigorated.  Micah is so proud of himself, he didn't think he would make it.

Cold circumstances are nipping our cheeks right now on our actual life-journey.  There is an unknown forecast awaiting us as we take each step.  How desperately I yearn for my Heavenly Father to grab me up and whisk me onto His shoulders.  My legs are throbbing and my feet are starting to feel wet.  Anxiety and fear flood over and try to drown out my sanity when I let my mind wander to the worst case scenario of the not so distant future.  Cut backs.  Lay offs.  They've been talking about it for weeks at his company.  We've known for a while, the state of our country's economy let alone our state's.  But now crunch time is upon us.  Will we hear tomorrow, the day after, next week?  Will he have a job?  I am reminded of a song I learned so long ago back when I was a carefree adolescent.

"When the water's too high
  when the water's too high
  I will carry you
  I will carry you"

In my mind I can hear my little sister's beautiful voice singing, her delicate fingers strumming the wooden guitar up in front of the church.

"When the night is too black
  when the night is too black
  I will carry you
  I will carry you"

That is His promise.  To carry me.   All I need is a teeny tiny bit of faith that He will be there right? (He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matt.17:20)  Will my lack of faith be too heavy for Him to handle me for more than a few feet?  Will He have to divert my attention, get my mind off of the situation so I can continue on alone weakened from the testing journey?  Or when I am unable to press on because of my tired body, my worn out mind, will he reach down from Heaven and whisk me up in His everlasting arms?

I think back to that Sunday stroll with the family.  The untouched white clumps hanging off of the barren trees was a sight to behold.  The blazing sun streaming through tops of trees and animal tracks imprinted on millions of  uniquely designed minute flakes of snow...amazing.  A sight to see.  Beauty in the middle of not so comfortable circumstances.  Cold, frigid, red-cheeked weather yet so pretty at the same time.  Definitely was worth the journey for the beautiful memories.

Whether God is carrying me or holding my hand or clearing the path ahead for me to journey through, I feel Him.  I feel Him right down to the marrow of my bones directing and leading.  The outcome may not be what I have planned for our family, it could get uncomfortable on many levels.  I may have to bundle up for the journey He has in store for us.  I may even have to double up my socks because it could get slushy and muddy.  But along the way I will inhale unanticipated joys and beauties that can only come from above.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5 Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,         10 And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.         15 I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.         20

Robert Frost

Today on Jan. 24, 2013  I am making the choice to take the road less traveled by...and put my trust 

in a loving God whose plan is bigger than I can see...It won't be easy and I may take one step forward and 

two steps back...But with an ever faithful Father who is quick to extend a merciful hand, I know it is possible...

Slow Down and Breathe Deep

Tonight my sweet daughter, our only girl last in the line of two brothers, asked me to spin her around as fast as I could.  She threw her head back in laughter and as she lifted her gaze up to mine, she grabbed my cheeks in her hands and squished them lovingly and begged,

"Faster, faster mommy!"

Carefully while spinning I explained if I went any faster we both might end up on the floor.  And all the while I was trying to cherish every moment of the very end of 2012 with my precious girl tight-fast in my arms.  As we twirled I held hard and soaked up the beauty of the sacred dance between us...

And as she cried,  "faster,"

I thought, "no, sweet baby girl, slower..."

How rushed we live most days...

I yearn to "Slow Down"

I have every good intention of doing it also.  But unfortunately when push comes to shove I ignore the latter and race through instead...

I want to soak it in, cherish, live in gratitude daily and actually take the time to give thanks for the moment...

This 2013 I want to slow down and breathe deep...

Goodbye 2012~