(from Feb. 2011)

Two years ago almost to the date, I wrote this.  Today we are in a very similar spot with an unknown future.   I always find strength when I take the time to remember His faithfulness in my life...

Path Unknown

In winter we bundle up in our gear and journey down the path prepared for harsh wind, frigid air, hard ice.  Waterproof clothing and boots shell our bodies.  We are ready for the bitter cold.  Dressed for the journey down the snow-laden trail.  It is a Sunday, the Sabbath, the Lord's day.  The sun is shining deceivingly in the brilliant blue sky.   Within minutes, Ayla cries to be held.  Daddy sweeps her up in his arms and plants her on top of his broad shoulders.  We trek on and turn around after almost a mile or so.  Micah, exhausted from the hike, begs me to pick him up.  Knowing I would only make it a few feet lugging his lanky 60 pound body, I tell him no and try to get his mind off of the situation instead.  "Lets pretend like we are walking down our street back home."  To divert his attention, I go through each house lined on our block and have him help me remember which one is is next.  Soon enough we are back to where the trail began.   The whole family is tired but invigorated.  Micah is so proud of himself, he didn't think he would make it.

Cold circumstances are nipping our cheeks right now on our actual life-journey.  There is an unknown forecast awaiting us as we take each step.  How desperately I yearn for my Heavenly Father to grab me up and whisk me onto His shoulders.  My legs are throbbing and my feet are starting to feel wet.  Anxiety and fear flood over and try to drown out my sanity when I let my mind wander to the worst case scenario of the not so distant future.  Cut backs.  Lay offs.  They've been talking about it for weeks at his company.  We've known for a while, the state of our country's economy let alone our state's.  But now crunch time is upon us.  Will we hear tomorrow, the day after, next week?  Will he have a job?  I am reminded of a song I learned so long ago back when I was a carefree adolescent.

"When the water's too high
  when the water's too high
  I will carry you
  I will carry you"

In my mind I can hear my little sister's beautiful voice singing, her delicate fingers strumming the wooden guitar up in front of the church.

"When the night is too black
  when the night is too black
  I will carry you
  I will carry you"

That is His promise.  To carry me.   All I need is a teeny tiny bit of faith that He will be there right? (He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matt.17:20)  Will my lack of faith be too heavy for Him to handle me for more than a few feet?  Will He have to divert my attention, get my mind off of the situation so I can continue on alone weakened from the testing journey?  Or when I am unable to press on because of my tired body, my worn out mind, will he reach down from Heaven and whisk me up in His everlasting arms?

I think back to that Sunday stroll with the family.  The untouched white clumps hanging off of the barren trees was a sight to behold.  The blazing sun streaming through tops of trees and animal tracks imprinted on millions of  uniquely designed minute flakes of snow...amazing.  A sight to see.  Beauty in the middle of not so comfortable circumstances.  Cold, frigid, red-cheeked weather yet so pretty at the same time.  Definitely was worth the journey for the beautiful memories.

Whether God is carrying me or holding my hand or clearing the path ahead for me to journey through, I feel Him.  I feel Him right down to the marrow of my bones directing and leading.  The outcome may not be what I have planned for our family, it could get uncomfortable on many levels.  I may have to bundle up for the journey He has in store for us.  I may even have to double up my socks because it could get slushy and muddy.  But along the way I will inhale unanticipated joys and beauties that can only come from above.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5 Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,         10 And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.         15 I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.         20

Robert Frost

Today on Jan. 24, 2013  I am making the choice to take the road less traveled by...and put my trust 

in a loving God whose plan is bigger than I can see...It won't be easy and I may take one step forward and 

two steps back...But with an ever faithful Father who is quick to extend a merciful hand, I know it is possible...

Path Unknown

In winter we bundle up in our gear and journey down the path prepared for harsh wind, frigid air, hard ice.  Waterproof clothing and boots shell our bodies.  We are ready for the bitter cold.  Dressed for the journey down the snow-laden trail.  It is a Sunday, the Sabbath, the Lord's day.  The sun is shining deceivingly in the brilliant blue sky.   Within minutes, Ayla cries to be held.  Daddy sweeps her up in his arms and plants her on top of his broad shoulders.  We trek on and turn around after almost a mile or so.  Micah, exhausted from the hike, begs me to pick him up.  Knowing I would only make it a few feet lugging his lanky 60 pound body, I tell him no and try to get his mind off of the situation instead.  "Lets pretend like we are walking down our street back home."  To divert his attention, I go through each house lined on our block and have him help me remember which one is is next.  Soon enough we are back to where the trail began.   The whole family is tired but invigorated.  Micah is so proud of himself, he didn't think he would make it.

Cold circumstances are nipping our cheeks right now on our actual life-journey.  There is an unknown forecast awaiting us as we take each step.  How desperately I yearn for my Heavenly Father to grab me up and whisk me onto His shoulders.  My legs are throbbing and my feet are starting to feel wet.  Anxiety and fear flood over and try to drown out my sanity when I let my mind wander to the worst case scenario of the not so distant future.  Cut backs.  Lay offs.  They've been talking about it for weeks at his company.  We've known for a while, the state of our country's economy let alone our state's.  But now crunch time is upon us.  Will we hear tomorrow, the day after, next week?  Will he have a job?  I am reminded of a song I learned so long ago back when I was a carefree adolescent. 

"When the water's too high
  when the water's too high
  I will carry you
  I will carry you"

In my mind I can hear my little sister's beautiful voice singing, her delicate fingers strumming the wooden guitar up in front of the church.


"When the night is too black
  when the night is too black
  I will carry you
  I will carry you"


That is His promise.  To carry me.   All I need is a teeny tiny bit of faith that He will be there right? (He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matt.17:20)  Will my lack of faith be too heavy for Him to handle me for more than a few feet?  Will He have to divert my attention, get my mind off of the situation so I can continue on alone weakened from the testing journey?  Or when I am unable to press on because of my tired body, my worn out mind, will he reach down from Heaven and whisk me up in His everlasting arms? 

I think back to that Sunday stroll with the family.  The untouched white clumps hanging off of the barren trees was a sight to behold.  The blazing sun streaming through tops of trees and animal tracks imprinted on millions of  uniquely designed minute flakes of snow...amazing.  A sight to see.  Beauty in the middle of not so comfortable circumstances.  Cold, frigid, red-cheeked weather yet so pretty at the same time.  Definitely was worth the journey for the beautiful memories. 

Whether God is carrying me or holding my hand or clearing the path ahead for me to journey through, I feel Him.  I feel Him right down to the marrow of my bones directing and leading.  The outcome may not be what I have planned for our family, it could get uncomfortable on many levels.  I may have to bundle up for the journey He has in store for us.  I may even have to double up my socks because it could get slushy and muddy.  But along the way I will inhale unanticipated joys and beauties that can only come from above.

 

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5   Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,         10   And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.         15   I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.         20

Robert Frost

Lights in the Tunnel

There's a light at the end of the tunnel...Or so the saying goes. But nobody ever really talks about the tunnel itself.  How cold and slippery the ground is while trekking through.  The depth of despair that permeate the darkness as you feel your way in the dark.  You continue, make your way through and every once in a while a ray of light blazes through into your being, glimpses keep you going.  You trek on and work like crazy doing your part as much possible.  But emotions stir fast and swift, back and forth, up and down like climbing mountains one moment and soaring through valleys the next...and everything is rampant. One minute you have the faith of Abraham and the next, hardly a mustard seed, maybe even a grain of sand but there it is flickering in the darkness of the cave.  And even though you question if your guide is still in front, leading the way through the chaos and unknown, something inside reassures that you are not alone.  There is a resonating pulse, though almost silent at times, that continues... a slow, sure beat in the back of your mind, of your heart. 
Through your weariness and trouble it carries on...as you fix your eyes ahead onto the dull glimmer awaiting at the end of the journey you are on.  Doubt creeps in and you look up,  gazing ahead knowing there are maybe not perfect things in store but good things.  And you take another step that is filled with so many emotions but you go, carry on, journey ahead. 

We have been walking through a tough tunnel of our own the last several weeks.  These words pour out my heart, fear of the unknown, questioning every move, every step.  We had this unknown destination placed in front of us December 11.  Joe was "displaced" from his job and opted out of re-interviewing for a different position in the company.  Knowing this restructure was going to be taking place several weeks in advanced, Joe had prepared.  Multiple job opportunities fell through.  He actually had more than one verbal offer and was prepared to put in his two week resignation when the brakes on the opportunity in place got slammed.  Hiring freezes appeared out of nowhere or promoted employees decided they wanted their former jobs back...And we prayed, and waited and thought maybe it's meant to be that he stays put.  And then the phone rings, he got the call...He called me right after, I was with my Friday Morning Girls (my small group who I love more than words...) when he told me through the phone.  I think my knees buckled as tears rolled and my sweet friends embraced me and told me to go and be with him.  The pause button was hit and everything put on hold.  And nothing can prepare you for the empty hollow feeling that floods when it actually happens...Stress and tension in our home was high...One moment you felt assured and at peace and the next filled with rapid heart beats and anxiety.  The ebb and flow of emotions was countless.  But we could feel the prayers of those loved ones around us in the midst of it all... And looking back now I have to say that I would never wish the lack of a job on anyone.  We were more than blessed and grateful for God's provision through it all.  Countless resumes were sent out and many interviews later...he received a job offer.  I think about my friends and acquaintances who have faced the same fear, only much worse.   The word grateful doesn't seem to sum up our thankfulness to so many people who carried our burden through thoughts and prayers.  And we are eternally thankful to our Father in heaven who is the provider of everything. 

A tunnel of uncertainty may be your surroundings today.  Maybe it's not the loss of unemployment but rather a loved one whose voice you yearn to hear again.  Illness, broken relationships, addiction, hurt, busyness, depression...whatever path you are walking down at this time,  know you are not alone.  As the journey ebbs and flows as you take one step forward and three backward, remember there are glimpses of light reflecting off of the saints in your life who are carrying part of your burden.  When you can't pray, ask someone to intercede for you.  And soon enough you will recall those stones of remembrance, times when God was faithful in your life. Little pokes of light will sharply fill your eyes, your soul with courage to move on.  And the end of the tunnel, where you are headed may not even be close...The finish line may be a ways away but remember, you do not walk in isolation...there are fireflies there in the cave with you flickering light all around, whispering the hope of God's faithfulness into your soul...know they are there with you but mostly know, God is there working all things together for your good. 

"God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all" 1 John 1:5

Comfort Zone

The sun shines through the window casting square shadows onto the humpback sofa we pinched our pennies together for so many years ago.  I've hidden the ripped cushion that the yellow foam peers out of up against the back and bottom of the frame.  At first glance it's in pretty good condition but upon further inspection one can see the worn down fabric and broken in seats.  I've tried to update it's slightly dated look by adding some trendy pillows.  Joe and I, we love this sofa.  After each one of our babies were born, this couch turned into my bed, temporarily.  And even though I am not proud to admit it, the tan cushions have also held Joe and me on slightly numerous occasions after a misunderstanding (not to sugar-coat a knock down drag it out full fledged fight or anything...ahem) But seriously we would both agree that our living room sofa is the most comfortable piece of furniture anyone has ever sat their hiney on! Hence the reason either one of us can bear to say our eternal goodbyes to the thing! 

And since I happen to be on the subject of comfort and sitting, I guess that it would be a good time to bring that exact thing up.   I am comfortable in my worn down, slightly dated and torn-at-the-seams life.  Getting off of my rump and out of my comfort zone not only requires the physical strength and action of really doing it...it also calls for the possibility of replacing the known with the unknown.  And after sitting deep in extra comfy cushions for so long, that initial move upward can sometimes really use a boost...a prompting, if you will.  It may be as casual as a conversation with a friend or acquaintance or as grand as a life-altering event.  It may be a Sunday sermon or a stranger's story...Whatever the situation is, sometimes a prompting needs to take heed.  And I have been urged to pull myself up and off of my cozy-comfy place that I have been enjoying and get up and out there into a not-so-snugly place. 

And I am terrified because the color may not match the room and it just may be even more outdated then this 10 plus years old couch.  For goodness sakes it may even be something from my worst nightmares, something colored country blue and mauve (with heaven forbid ducks or even worse, cows!)...if that's not scary, I don't know what is...

But you see the thing is, whatever the unknown, out-of-my comfort zone area that I am headed to, I am being drawn and led by a hand that is holding onto me tighter than I am holding on back.  He is leading me down the narrow path and I am going to try to just follow along, gratefully.