Wednesday, April 6, 2011

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

Mornings and I don't work too well together.

I am a night owl.

The quiet solitude of a sleeping house is music to my ears.  However, this cherished time flies by all too quickly and most evenings I find myself extending each treasured minute, keeping my stinging eyes open doing crazy stuff like reading a book or surfing the web instead of getting the shut-eye they need.

This morning was rough just like most.

I poured Ayla some milk.  She has been drinking unsweetened almond milk that I sweeten with agave nectar.  I went into my lazy-susan in the corner cabinet where I keep all of my baking foods to get out the nectar.    I squirted it into her cup and she was under my feet playing around in the cabinet.

And I spilled the milk all over my $5.00 bag of unbleached organic flour (wide-open, unclosed) and the rest of the supplies in my cabinet and the doors, rug, etc.

And even though "there's no use crying over spilled milk", I almost could have cried.

Ayla looked at me and said,"Good thing that wasn't my fault."

And then I wanted to cry even more.

Because my 4 year old already knows how I react to her spills.  And obviously my reaction isn't good.

Tears well up in my eyes as I ask her to please move out of the way.

Pools flood out of her sweet blues as she cries and asks,  "Are you mad at me?"

More tears on both of our faces.

"Of course I'm not mad at you and I don't want you to ever think that I am when you spill something."

I wrap her up in my arms and hold on tight.  I tuck her dangled curl behind her ear and stare into those precious blue gems...

And I wonder...why in the all of the world He has chosen me?

This broken, messed up, easily angered over spilled milk woman to be her mama?

And I remember that I am not alone.

I am not the only mama who feels like she has failed.

I am not the only one who cries over spilled milk.

And I remember that my God is the God who sees me, no matter how trivial.

"And even the hairs on your head are all numbered" Matthew 10:30

WOW!  As a hairstylist I know that everyone sheds a certain number of hairs per day.  That number varying during pregnancy and after having a baby or because of medication, thyroid problems, etc.  Not to mention medications or certain treatments for diseases or haircuts which involve the thinning of one's hair or texturizing as we hairstylists like to refer to it...

He knows every hair on my head.

He sees that intricately.

And I am reminded that He sees my heart as well.  And I LOVE my children.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins" 1Peter 4:8

What a relief!



Molly said...

sweet post, Emily. I love your writing style. See you soon. Nancy

Molly said...

Emily, we are updating our website, and until everything is straightened out, I guess I am Molly/Nancy. Love you.

Emily said...

Thank you Nancym that means so much! Love you too!!

Meg said...

Aww Emily this is SO sweet. Thank you for sharing, it made me cry!

Emily said...

Thanks Meg!! (Oh no not more tears! :))