Tuesday, March 10, 2009
My little sister is getting married in October. Recently, I went with my mom, her and her fiance to sample the food at the place they are considering to have their reception. The chef brought us out appetizers to try and I felt like we were on the Food Network or something, it was so much fun! I love helping her plan the wedding and she is totally NOT a "bridezilla" but I think I am being one for her! She is so practical and I am so traditional, it's funny how different the two of us are, but we have been having a blast and I just love the whole wedding thing!
We have gone out looking for Elizabeth's wedding dress a couple of different times. There are so many options. Satin or silk, beaded or plain, bustle or train, off the shoulder or strapless, straight or flare. Choices, choices! We have found one that she really likes, but she's not 100% sure it's "the one" yet.
Shopping for bridal gowns has reminded me of a song by Derek Webb (now solo, formerly with Caedmon's Call). Bear with me as I take this post in a whole different direction. I don't know if any of you can relate at all, but these lyrics just really touch an ugly but honest side of my sinful self that I really do struggle with.
The Wedding Dress
If you could love me as a wife,
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I ever need
Or is there more I'm looking for
And should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich and wise
Is that really what you want
I am a whore I do confess
I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
I run down the aisle
I'm a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you
So could you love this bastard child
though I don't trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
I am so easily satisfied
with the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
Because money cannot buy
a husband's jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife
Pretty shocking words, offensive words, I know. Unfortunately, I can relate to many of the comparisons that he is making in the song. As the Lord compares the nation of Israel in Ezekiel 16 to a prostitute because of their sin and detestable acts that they took part in, I am explicitly reminded of my own sinful acts and unrighteousness.
I'll never forget the feeling that overcame me when I saw "The Passion" for the first time. I was weeping uncontrollably and was literally stuck with my face into the rug on my living room floor because I felt the weight of my sin, my shame, in a way that I never had before. I felt completely and utterly unworthy to be called a child of God. I believe that the Holy Spirit allowed me to experience that burden of uncleanliness and ungodliness for a purpose and for that I am extremely grateful. God put me in my place and Him in His place, if you know what I mean. And even though I am unfaithful, my Redeemer is faithful, Praise His Holy Name! And even when I question how God could call me His child, He still does!
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
Please forgive me Lord for not completely submitting my whole life to you. Thank you for your freedom, help me to accept it and help me Lord to live for you, not for me.
In closing, I'll leave you with a quote that Beth Moore gave in her Esther Bible study.
An excerpt from "The Queen and I" by Ray Stedman:
"When, because of your faith, your life too becomes perceptibly different; when your reactions are quite opposite to what the situation seems to call for and your activities can no longer be explained in terms of your personality; that is when your neighborhood will sit up and take notice. In the eyes of the world, it is not our relationship with Jesus Christ that counts; it is our resemblance to Him!"