Ungraceful

He's finally home. THANK GOD!!!! Friday, I was in heaven. I was so thankful to have my wonderful other half back! I slept in on Saturday and it felt so good. I went and had a massage and it was amazing!! We had a great labor day weekend together. Joe and the kids played and I kicked back and sucked up all of the free time. Unfortunately, slowly, I began to get irritated at my sweet husband who just days earlier, I was longing for and missing terribly. He started to annoy me. Little things, like disciplining the kids or loading up the laundry room with all of his clothes were just getting on my nerves. You see, for a whole month, I was in complete and utter control over the household affairs and the punishment of the kids and even the laundry room!! Even though I complained and felt so sorry for myself, I kind of enjoyed the power. For those of you who know me, I know this is a huge shock! Me? Emily, likes to control the roost? Try not to LOL!! Joey has been a little stressed out about the new job too but I surely have not been living out Philip Yancey's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" book that I admire and tell everyone they need to read!!

I started thinking about how hard it is to show love to my own husband and how convicting it is that Jesus calls us to love not only those who love us but even more those who hate us. The red words of Christ boldy state to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us!! How sad it is that I have such a hard time displaying love to my husband whom I claim to love more than anyone else on this earth! Luke 6:27-36 boldy states,

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on
one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as you Father is merciful.

I am so conditional sometimes. It seems as though so much of the time, I give my love expecting something in return. I want my love to be reciprocated. I want to take and then give. Christ is very clear on the complete opposite. He instructs us NOT to expect anything in return!! He commands me to be gracious to the ungracious. He commands me to be love to the unlovely. He commands me to pray for those who harm me. He commands me to give to anyone who asks and not to want it back!

Oh what powerful and convicting words are the red words of Christ!

Again in my spoiled, selfish, lazy life I inhale my savior's teachings and soak up his forgiveness for my inexcusable, sinful, unjustified attitude. I am not capable of demonstrating Christ's love without divine intervention and that's all there is to it. I am not copping out and making excuses, but I am praying for the Holy Spirit to guide and direct my responses and my attitude.

...Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be....(Come Thou Fount)