Exalt or Insult?

Dimmed lights and lit candles flicker glowing yellow and brightening up the dark house as the snow flurries dance lightly out the window.

It's my favorite time of day...a quieted house and our family gathered around the table celebrating advent together, rejoicing and anticipating the coming of Christ, remembering His immaculate conception and entrance into a lost and dying world.

Reflecting on our sin, my sin and thanking Him for His amazing grace.

That's the picture I have in my mind.  The children are all quiet and deer-eyed, waiting to praise and learn and hold onto their siblings' hands tight as they bow their heads and pray perfectly....

HAHAHAHA!!! LOL!!! (and I mean belly-deep!!)

Instead, I tell them all that we are going to light the candle.  It's time to gather and reflect...

They all come running but they are arguing over who gets to light the candle...who gets to blow it out...

As they take their seats, more arguments over who is touching who and dirty looks are blazing back and forth and my perfect little advent time isn't turning out quite so perfect after all...

They argue over who gets to move the donkey with Mary carrying the Christ child in her belly...they almost catch on fire reaching and pulling back and forth over the lit candles.

Eyes are rolling and I am trying to take deep breaths but my heart is racing as my picture perfect vision quickly blurs into this flawed reality of my painted life.

And unfortunately my beating heart escalates and I don't bite my tongue but bite hard with loud words, begging everyone just to behave and be kind and not so quietly tell (yell) at all to "BE QUIET!"

And briefly the mood turns more reverent as the children glance at the glowing ember...

I say a few words, and reference a quick verse or two and end in a song.

We sing "WE EXA---LT THEE" over a few times...

Micah starts to sing,

"THIS INSU---LTS ME,"  instead... 

Instead of the right words and I lose it on him...right there over the lit advent candles...I DEMAND respect...

Not only to me but to our God (who we happen to be exalting, mind you)...

And all hush quiet around the table but my heart wells with grief and guilt as this picture absorbs a much darker hue than anticipated in the first place.

And I can't help but wonder if maybe what I think might be exalting really just may be insulting to my God after all...

Because when I control and try to turn all to exalt under my own pretenses and not His...that is probably just an insult...

When am I going to change me from the inside out?

When am I going to exalt instead of insult?

And He reminds me that in Him and Him alone, the Christ child made flesh and who dwelt among us and who died and was raised from the dead three days later and is now alive and living in all who believe...

He provides the power to exalt instead of insult. 

Him and Him alone...and tonight I choose to cling hard and fast on just that...