Denied

Yesterday morning on the short drive to school I asked the boys if they could remember to treat others like they wanted to be treated.  Immediately they spoke up and thought that was a great reminder of how to act.  Literally seconds later, I turn into the school parking lot and swing the van into the drop off lane.  As the boys unbuckle their seat belts I say,

"Bye, have a nice day!"

No response.  Micah is the first one out the door.  Again,

"Bye Micah, Bye Jonah!"

Again, no response.  Micah is already headed up the sidewalk and Jonah is still stepping out.  This time I'm a little louder,

"Bye, Jonah!"  

He pushes the button on the automatic door and heads up the sidewalk, not looking back.

Now I am a little bit, to say the least, upset.  I beep the horn and he swings around and finds me waving at him through the windshield.  He squints those clear blue eyes and glares back at me with a look that immediately sent daggers straight to my heart.  He then spins back around adjusting his backpack strapped on one shoulder and quickly tramps off without as much as a nod in my direction.

Tears sting up in my eyes and my gut ties up in knots as I pull away.   And it hits me deep like a hard ball to the heart, my children are embarrassed of me, so embarrassed that they won't even utter a goodbye with the van door cracked open because someone might hear!  There weren't even any kisses or hugs or love-you's involved for goodness sakes, just a simple "goodbye"!

And I was denied.

Denied by my precious little ones who are the most important thing to me in this world!!

A scripture pops into my head as I make my way back to the house.

Matthew 10:33  ...but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

Conviction swells as I taste a bit of the rejection Christ must feel from me all too often.

How many times have I turned my back on my Savior when he is calling my name?

How many times has he repeated himself over and over again and I just ignore him or even glare back and run away?

Away from my Lord who has called me out of darkness and into his glorious light.

Away from my God who has rescued me from the pit of my despair time and time again, planting my muddied up feet on solid rock.

I return to the house, heart broken.  Broken over my shame, my denial.

But convicted and moved to take a step in a new direction, a bold step toward my God, unashamed.

2 Timothy 2:12  ...if we endure, we shall also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us.