Denied

Yesterday morning on the short drive to school I asked the boys if they could remember to treat others like they wanted to be treated.  Immediately they spoke up and thought that was a great reminder of how to act.  Literally seconds later, I turn into the school parking lot and swing the van into the drop off lane.  As the boys unbuckle their seat belts I say,

"Bye, have a nice day!"

No response.  Micah is the first one out the door.  Again,

"Bye Micah, Bye Jonah!"

Again, no response.  Micah is already headed up the sidewalk and Jonah is still stepping out.  This time I'm a little louder,

"Bye, Jonah!"  

He pushes the button on the automatic door and heads up the sidewalk, not looking back.

Now I am a little bit, to say the least, upset.  I beep the horn and he swings around and finds me waving at him through the windshield.  He squints those clear blue eyes and glares back at me with a look that immediately sent daggers straight to my heart.  He then spins back around adjusting his backpack strapped on one shoulder and quickly tramps off without as much as a nod in my direction.

Tears sting up in my eyes and my gut ties up in knots as I pull away.   And it hits me deep like a hard ball to the heart, my children are embarrassed of me, so embarrassed that they won't even utter a goodbye with the van door cracked open because someone might hear!  There weren't even any kisses or hugs or love-you's involved for goodness sakes, just a simple "goodbye"!

And I was denied.

Denied by my precious little ones who are the most important thing to me in this world!!

A scripture pops into my head as I make my way back to the house.

Matthew 10:33  ...but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

Conviction swells as I taste a bit of the rejection Christ must feel from me all too often.

How many times have I turned my back on my Savior when he is calling my name?

How many times has he repeated himself over and over again and I just ignore him or even glare back and run away?

Away from my Lord who has called me out of darkness and into his glorious light.

Away from my God who has rescued me from the pit of my despair time and time again, planting my muddied up feet on solid rock.

I return to the house, heart broken.  Broken over my shame, my denial.

But convicted and moved to take a step in a new direction, a bold step toward my God, unashamed.

2 Timothy 2:12  ...if we endure, we shall also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us.

Not So Mundane Mornings

I've started my "1000 Gifts" list.  

Yesterday morning Micah excitingly yells to me, "Ma, look a gorilla!"

#41. shadow puppets

Ayla walks down the stairs...I laughed and pointed them out and she says, "but daddy said I could..."

#42. mis-matched socks

What joy I've been finding amongst the mundane.  My heart has been full and satisfied...

My Review of One Thousand Gifts - Ann Voskamp

Originally submitted at DaySpring

One Thousand Gifts beckons you to leave the parched ground of pride, fear, and white-knuckle control and abandon yourself to the God who overflows your cup. It invites you to wake up to God's everyday blessings, and discover, as Ann did, that in giving thanks for the life you already ha...

One Thousand Gifts - Ann Voskamp

Amazing!

By Emily from Detroit, Mi. on 2/15/2011

 

5out of 5

This book has changed the way I look at the everyday mundane. I have begun to find "beauty in the ugly". Each poetically written page humbly drew me into an inner reflection of my heart. One Thousand Gifts is a book unlike any other I have ever read. Life-changing and amazing!!

(legalese)

Path Unknown

In winter we bundle up in our gear and journey down the path prepared for harsh wind, frigid air, hard ice.  Waterproof clothing and boots shell our bodies.  We are ready for the bitter cold.  Dressed for the journey down the snow-laden trail.  It is a Sunday, the Sabbath, the Lord's day.  The sun is shining deceivingly in the brilliant blue sky.   Within minutes, Ayla cries to be held.  Daddy sweeps her up in his arms and plants her on top of his broad shoulders.  We trek on and turn around after almost a mile or so.  Micah, exhausted from the hike, begs me to pick him up.  Knowing I would only make it a few feet lugging his lanky 60 pound body, I tell him no and try to get his mind off of the situation instead.  "Lets pretend like we are walking down our street back home."  To divert his attention, I go through each house lined on our block and have him help me remember which one is is next.  Soon enough we are back to where the trail began.   The whole family is tired but invigorated.  Micah is so proud of himself, he didn't think he would make it.

Cold circumstances are nipping our cheeks right now on our actual life-journey.  There is an unknown forecast awaiting us as we take each step.  How desperately I yearn for my Heavenly Father to grab me up and whisk me onto His shoulders.  My legs are throbbing and my feet are starting to feel wet.  Anxiety and fear flood over and try to drown out my sanity when I let my mind wander to the worst case scenario of the not so distant future.  Cut backs.  Lay offs.  They've been talking about it for weeks at his company.  We've known for a while, the state of our country's economy let alone our state's.  But now crunch time is upon us.  Will we hear tomorrow, the day after, next week?  Will he have a job?  I am reminded of a song I learned so long ago back when I was a carefree adolescent. 

"When the water's too high
  when the water's too high
  I will carry you
  I will carry you"

In my mind I can hear my little sister's beautiful voice singing, her delicate fingers strumming the wooden guitar up in front of the church.


"When the night is too black
  when the night is too black
  I will carry you
  I will carry you"


That is His promise.  To carry me.   All I need is a teeny tiny bit of faith that He will be there right? (He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matt.17:20)  Will my lack of faith be too heavy for Him to handle me for more than a few feet?  Will He have to divert my attention, get my mind off of the situation so I can continue on alone weakened from the testing journey?  Or when I am unable to press on because of my tired body, my worn out mind, will he reach down from Heaven and whisk me up in His everlasting arms? 

I think back to that Sunday stroll with the family.  The untouched white clumps hanging off of the barren trees was a sight to behold.  The blazing sun streaming through tops of trees and animal tracks imprinted on millions of  uniquely designed minute flakes of snow...amazing.  A sight to see.  Beauty in the middle of not so comfortable circumstances.  Cold, frigid, red-cheeked weather yet so pretty at the same time.  Definitely was worth the journey for the beautiful memories. 

Whether God is carrying me or holding my hand or clearing the path ahead for me to journey through, I feel Him.  I feel Him right down to the marrow of my bones directing and leading.  The outcome may not be what I have planned for our family, it could get uncomfortable on many levels.  I may have to bundle up for the journey He has in store for us.  I may even have to double up my socks because it could get slushy and muddy.  But along the way I will inhale unanticipated joys and beauties that can only come from above.

 

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5   Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,         10   And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.         15   I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.         20

Robert Frost