Daddy

I really couldn't ask for a better father for my children. Joe is absolutely AMAZING with them. Just before I was about to have Jonah, he told me that he was going to spend special time with him everyday. And even when life gets hectic and chaotic, I have to say, Joe takes time each and everyday to give each one of our little ones quality "daddy-time". Whether it be playing catch, roller-blading, looking at baseball/hockey cards or painting Ayla's nails, he makes every effort to be with them on a daily basis.

Remember the song "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin?

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Joe never wanted to be like the man in that song. I am so thankful to my heavenly Father for my better half who gives 110% of himself to our kiddies. They are so blessed to have a daddy who not only loves to be with them but also is extremely patient with them as well. His love is unquestionable. And even now, I believe that Jonah and Micah have a respect for their daddy and such a good example of a father.

Living in the Now

Today marks the first day of the last week of school for the boys. As excited as I am about summer, I have been super emotional. How quickly they grow!!!! In the fall, Jonah will be in third grade and Micah will start first grade at the same school. I am not nearly as nervous as I was when Jonah started first grade but I am sad.

See, change and I, well we don't go together too well. All three times that we have moved I have mourned over our previous dwellings. The last move was the worst, I was a complete mess. I was the last one in the house vacuuming the basement and dusting the floors and just sobbing my brains out. I stopped by my mom's house afterward and she thought that somebody passed away. I couldn't even talk because I was crying so hard! And it's the memories that I was going to miss, not the actual house.

I tend to hold onto the past and worry about the future, instead of living in the moment. I'm working on this. I'm trying to live in the now and enjoy each minute of the day, TODAY. Guilt is such an ugly trap that I am sick of being stuck in. What I didn't do right or how I should have done something different. So instead of beating myself up and having a pity party right now, I'm going to go and tuck my little ones into bed and cherish every moment! (...because all too soon, they won't want back-scratches and goodnight kisses!!!)

Miracles

Micah turned six last Thursday. I still am having trouble wrapping my mind around how fast the years fly by. The first couple years of his life are a little bit blurry. The boys are two years and five months apart and I did feel slightly insane dealing with the terrible twos and a new baby who wasn't extremely difficult or anything but literally came out of the womb coughing. And because he struggled with lung-issues, he was always fussy and constantly wanted to be held. But I have to admit, I enjoyed holding him, all of the time. After we had Ayla, my mom informed me that she never even remembered holding Micah because he always wanted me. (Didn't remember that, must have been a bit blurry too.) Around the eighth month of his life, I took him to the doctor's office and told him that I knew something was wrong because Jonah never sounded like the penguin (Wheezy) on Toy Story and Micah did. From that day on, Micah has been on some sort of asthma medication. Joe and I have gone back and forth through the years. We would try one med. and then take him off after a couple of months because we were worried about the side effects. Thankfully, we have medicine readily available but I really can't stand pumping his little body full of it. Watching my son struggle with this sickness has tested my faith, in God, more than any other issue in my life that I can think of. Countless nights, he has waken up coughing, violently, sounding like an old man who had horrible bronchitis. On numerous occasions throughout his young life, I have cried out to my God, "Why? Why Lord, don't you heal my little boy? Don't I have enough faith?" One night we took Micah to a healing service at out church and had hands laid upon him and people were praying over him for God to intervene. And I am not exaggerating when I tell you that we were up with him all night giving him Albuterol treatments because his symptoms worsened.

In my opinion, there is nothing more horrible, as a mother, than watching your child suffer. How I longed, long for my Lord to make him better, completely. Hundreds and hundreds of prayers have been uttered from my lips. For some reason, my God chooses not to take this completely away from Micah. Being completely honest, I am not sure why but I do know that He CAN miraculously heal him, if He so chooses.

I have witnessed miracles in my life time. My little sister, Elizabeth, was born with "low muscle tone". That was the diagnosis after much testing. She didn't role over until she was 13 months old and never crawled. Instead she would sit with her little legs like a frog and scoot around the floors of our home. A therapist came to our house once or twice a week and she was in a special program with other children who couldn't walk or were physically disabled in some way. At the time, my mom was a brand new Christian and she tells me that she actually experienced "the peace that passes all understanding" when praying for Elizabeth. She envisioned her in a wheel chair, playing the piano (...my little sister is an extremely gifted musician who happens to play the piano and sing and write music, amazingly!). Even if she never walked, my mom had this PEACE, but she did pray that Elizabeth would walk before she turned two, if she was going to. Two weeks before her 2nd birthday, my baby sister took her first step. The doctors and therapists couldn't explain it. But we could, and we did. My mom's response to any inquisition was always, "It was a miracle. I believe that God healed her." I know He heals. I know He can.

Right around the same time, my mom was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and had been for a long time. My mom tells us that she loved smoking. She loved sipping a cup of coffee in one hand and smoking a cigarette in another. I distinctly remember her pack of Marlbolo reds on the table next to the ashtray. She would never buy more than one at a time. Every morning my dad would drive up to the gas station down the street and pick up her pack for the day. So, my mom had been praying to God. She told Him that she didn't want to quit smoking, she told Him that she loved it, and that if He wanted her to quit, that He would just have to take it away from her. I don't know how long my mom prayed this prayer, but I do remember her one morning, in her green bathrobe in our little living room, and my dad standing at the door letting her know that he was going to go up and get her cigarettes, and my mom telling him that she didn't need them, because she wasn't going to smoke anymore. She hasn't touched a cigarette since that very day and when people asked her how she did it, her response always is the same, "I didn't quit, God took smoking away from me." And I believe He did. I know He did. I know He is able.

I know that God uses circumstances in people's lives for reasons. My mom was a young believer when these amazing miracles occurred. Her own personal faith in Him increased as well as others' around her. This childlike faith is attainable, I know that because I had it. I was three years old when my baby sister was born, five when she walked, I remember it, I lived it. Thinking back on this now, I am so grateful that our Lord was magnified in so many ways that were oblivious to me as a child.

And I can't even try to figure out why, why God chooses to do the things he does and doesn't do, and honestly, I don't even have a desire to know why. What I do know and have been reminded of tonight, is that my Lord is the one in charge. Everything big and small is in His hands. And it's not all about me and my little family and my little world. It's about Him and He is the Most magnificent miracle to have ever existed or that will ever exist. He is the Alpha and Omega, He is I AM and I want everyone, everywhere to know that HE IS LOVE. His love is deeper than the deepest ocean and higher than the highest mountain peak. And right now I want to thank Him for miraculously intervening and revealing His deep, deep love to me.

Forty Degree Drop

On Monday our skies were blue and the sun was shining at a hot 82 degrees. Micah and Ayla were illustrating beautiful chalk drawings on the warm cement. People were everywhere,in their summer attire, walking dogs and riding bikes. The kids were even asking me to take them swimming and begging me to let them have water balloon fights. The very next day my thermometer read a bleak, 46. All I can say is, "ONLY IN MICHIGAN!!!" Only in Michigan, can the temperature plummet almost forty degrees overnight!

And of course, I started thinking about this drop...
And of course, I started thinking about it in more ways than one...

It could be any day, I could go to church and the worship was awesome or in Bible study I become deeply inspired to allow God to mold me in a new way. Sometimes it happens when I am gazing at my precious babies as they sleep and look so angelic or when He paints the sky with such magnificent shades that I can't help but stand in awe. I plan out how I'm going to change or what steps I'm going to take to draw closer to my Lord and feel really on top of my game. I feel God holding me in His arms shedding his unfathomable grace upon me and I really FEEL it. You know? I take it all in and I repent and truly feel His forgiveness and promise Him that I am really going to change certain things in my life this time with honest sincerity.

And then, I wake up the next day and seem to feel forty degrees different. The feelings of exhilaration that engulfed me the day prior become bleak and cold. Back in the mundane grind, I sludge through the day ignoring all of my promises that were straight from my previous joyful heart that has suddenly turned quite muddy. I feel thousands of miles away from my God who I felt, just yesterday cradling me in the palm of His hand.

And I know it's me and not Him. I know He is right there. It's just that I can't FEEL Him and it seems as though forty degrees separate us-God and me. And I long to FEEL Him, really FEEL Him again.

Up and down...back and forth...flesh against spirit...day to day...LIFE...

Unity

Last Wednesday night we drove down to visit some beloved friends in Marietta, Georgia. We really enjoyed our time together and it was so nice to spend a few days catching up, while our seven kids (combined) played hard! We spent Easter attending the church that our friend is now on staff at, and went out for a yummy dinner. The message was really good and the service was amazing.

Their church is huge and there is a full orchestra and choir and drama team that were all involved throughout the service. The church is very well established and seems to have been around for quite a while. We are attending a totally different type of church at the present time where you are out of place if you don't have on your blue jeans and if you don't like loud rock music, you probably wouldn't care for our place of worship. So the two churches are almost as opposite as can be, yet they both preach the same gospel.

Isn't it crazy how like churches, we, as believers in Christ can be so different from one another, yet worship the same God? From our choices in clothing and the way we decorate to the way we discipline our kids and our political views. From differing opinions on interpretation of scripture, (eternal security, the tribulation, speaking in tongues, etc) to varying denominations.

So much of the time, I want everyone to think just like me. I have a hard time accepting people's views on certain issues if their views differ too much from mine and what I think is biblical or whatever. I am not talking about the essentials, here. (The Apostle's Creed is my favorite statement of belief on that matter). I am talking about non-essentials and staying united in Christ with one another even though we don't agree completely with one another on every single stinking issue!! Wherever there is division, I believe, gives Satan a foothold. So tonight, I just wanted to get that off of my chest and hopefully, into my heart.

"In essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, charity (or love)"
St. Augustine

Sweet Ayla

I posted this 6 years ago today....



Today my precious baby girl turned 2 years old! (yesterday we had her little party and she was definitely the little "belle of the ball") Memories of her birth flooded my mind all day as I played with her and held her and just stared into her beautiful blue eyes. I am so thankful to God for my darling girl.

When I found out that I was pregnant with her, Joe was convinced that we would be having twin boys. I didn't believe the ultrasound technician when she told me it was a girl. We actually had five confirmations through ultrasound and I still didn't believe it until moments after her birth in the delivery room. My pregnancy was very similar to the other two except that I was more nauseous with her than I was with the boys. After going for my 20 week ultrasound appointment my doctor informed me that the radiologist detected that her brain ventricles were "mildly prominent" and that she had a choroid plexus cyst. He told me not to worry but to schedule a level three ultrasound and to make sure my appointment had the genetic counselor there as well. The hospital could not get me in for three weeks. I was in agony. I was so worried about my baby and could do nothing but wait and pray. Of course I googled and looked up everything I could on the internet about this condition which only scared me all the more. Everything from developmental delays to hydrocephalus popped up. I remember specifically one evening when I was crying to Joe about how upset and worried I was and he looked at me with a wisdom that I never before had seen in his eyes and said,

"If God chooses to give us a special needs child, He will. He has a reason for everything and if it's His will, it's His will and it won't change the love I have for her already, as a matter of fact I'll probably love her even more!"

He had this reassuring peace and strength that I did not have. I remembering blaming myself for wanting a girl so badly and thinking this is what I get for wishing for her.

Before I got pregnant with Ayla, a friend from church came up to me and asked me when I was having my little girl. I was like What? How do you know I'll have a girl? She told me that she had envisioned my Joe, the boys and me with a little girl standing in front of a church and she had a feeling that I was going to have a girl one day. ...a couple of months later, Ayla was conceived... So after finding out about Ayla's condition, I ran up to her at church and in between sobs managed to explain what was wrong. She laid hands on me and prayed with me and as soon as she did, I felt this peace just come over me. That sick feeling in my stomach disappeared and I was at ease. At that moment, my faith grew more than it ever had before. I knew there was a God. The "God who sees me" saw me right then and there! So many people were praying for my baby. They were praying for God's healing and for His will at the same time.

So the weeks past and I went to my appointment. The genetic counselor wanted to be in the room and the technician scanned me and looked me straight in the face and said ,

"Her brain ventricles are completely normal and there is no cyst."

I started bawling my eyes out! I was so relieved! The doctor came in and scanned me and said it was probably an error. He said that they probably measured the wrong area of the brain. I thought, maybe...or maybe, just maybe...God performed a miracle and healed my baby. Why? I don't know why. All I know is that my God, "El Elyon": the Name, is the God who sees me. He hears my cries and calms my fears. He is Jehovah, God and through His precious son chose to give me life and I will forever praise his most holy name!

Lord, today as I celebrate the birth of my sweet Ayla, I thank you for hearing my cries and calming my fears. Thank you for my precious girl. May her life continue to be a testimony of your grace to an unbelieving world.

And today she turned 8...our sweet girl has blessed us more than words can say. She is passionate, kind and determined. I love watching her grow in God's love and grace...She truly is our little miracle.. My friend, Deb, who prayed over her that Sunday so many years ago has now gone to be with Jesus. She's not with us anymore but her prayer of faith lives on in my precious girl. I think of her often but remember her especially on Ayla's birthday.  I am still encouraged by her boldness to step out in faith even when it wasn't natural. She listened to God's voice in her life and obeyed. May I be 

able to trust and obey Him in that same way, even when it's out of my comfort 

zone. 

I pray the same for my darling girl... 

Spring...well almost

Spring is almost here!!

Today I am thanking God for:

-the sunshine and the chirping birds

-the sound of Micah's street hockey stick scraping the cement of our driveway

-Ayla's sweet little voice asking to ride on her bike

-sweatshirts instead of coats

-time with Micah to make mac and cheese from scratch (at his request)

-that today is the first day of Spring Hockey (yes I am actually thankful...more on that next post...)



Oh the anticipation of SPRING...

Maybe we will actually have one this year instead of going from winter to summer, here in Michigan, like most years!!